The Glitterbois Play Rifts #001: Stepping Through a Rift in Cincinatti

Breakfast puppies.

This podcast contains adult language and content and is meant for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

It is the Future in 1999. You are listening to the Glitter Boys.

Today on a very special episode of the Glitter Boys. We're playing Rifts.

Yeah, I guess.

Gm.

Allegedly. Well, I mean, I guess it is true. Hi, I am Kyle. I'm from the Bastard Quest podcast. We don't play Riffs over there. We, we play lots of other things.

That's a damn shame.

Yeah. But I am a huge riffs fan. I have been since the, the 90s. We did play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Though, and I gotta say that was a fantastic series of episodes.

It was a lot of fun. I mean, the best part about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is just rolling up your mutants and you know what happens to them after that is really just falling action.

Isn't that true with any mutant based game though, if we're really honest?

I think so. So yeah, I'm Kyle. We're going to be running some riffs for the Glitter Boys podcast. We're going to try to make this a semi regular thing. Definitely not something we do every week, but we're very much looking forward to it, I think.

And if you've listened to the podcast enough, I'm hoping you know my voice. This is NPC and I'm also joined by my regular co host.

Who am I? Where am I? What the hell is going on? I'm just Jacob and I have been kidnapped and forced to play riffs.

I'm Alex and I don't know what I'm doing.

And I'm Sean and I only ever gm, so this is going to be something.

I'm. This is the same for me. I've, I, I, I can't remember the last time I actually played outside of like a convention game.

Yeah, I mean we have what, three lifer gms at the table and Alex.

Yeah, yeah, well, I guess technically four, but I'm GMing, so.

Yeah, we'll just be in our own little club over here.

Yeah.

Someday.

You're not invited, Alex. Sorry, man.

It's cool. My trophy for not knowing how to do things is in the mail.

Now, of course we're playing a Palladium game. And as every good Palladium gamer knows, there's house rules. I don't think anybody has ever played Palladium without house rules, including the creator of Palladium himself.

Agreed. Yes. So the base is Rift's ultimate edition, of course, as it must be, we have a couple house rules right? Off the bat, everybody has sub percentage of bonus xp and that was something that was part of character creation. And if anybody's interested, we could talk more about that probably on the discord for people that are really want to know how we did that. The other core thing that probably should be mentioned is that I have meta currencies that I use when I run just about any game. And this one, the characters, the players have heroism and fate and those will worry about what those do when they come up. But just know that they're in the game and if you hear us talking about that, that is not in Rift's ultimate edition. That is just some nonsense I made up.

I'm glad we're going to rediscuss it because I have absolutely forgotten how those two currencies work.

It's totally okay.

One of them replenishes.

I've played enough games that have meta currencies that I'm comfortable with it. I just need a reminder of which can be spent to do what. I'm pretty sure fate was the one.

That's the don't die point and it doesn't come back.

That's correct. Fate is you can spend it to not die against something that otherwise kill you, but you can also spend it to triumph. And any you spend it on a roll and you just put that die on the number you want it to be on.

Nice.

But yeah, like, like Sean said, once you spend fate, it is gone. Heroism however, does replenish every session. And you can do things like, you know, get advantage on your die rolls or use it for luck to immediately reroll.

And I'm assuming by advantage you're referring to the 5th ed popularized version of advantage. Roll two dice, take the best.

Absolutely. It's the best, best thing to come out of fifth edition.

I assumed with it was going to be like a flip the percentage kind of advantage, but doesn't matter to me.

Oh yeah, that would. We could do that for skills. That would make sense.

Yeah. Flip flop.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's your job now, Sean, to remember that.

That'S what you get for being the GM's pet.

No pressure.

Those are the main house rules that we need to get out of the way. I'm sure others will be implemented because full disclosure, I have not run Rifts since the late 90s, so I'm sure there will be things that I say I want to change now being a much more mature and wise and far less patient gamer.

We're also doing some slightly different take on skills and that we are completely ignoring the skill percentages in the book and instead using skill percentages based on a combination of two of your character stats. Hence these handy dandy Excel sheets.

Yeah, Excel, the best character sheets. And I think that's all we need to say before we start.

Yeah, I think so.

Okay gentlemen, any questions before we begin this complete shit show? Our narrative begins where all great stories do in Ohio. Cincinnati specifically. It is the middle of 1997. You are all tabletop role playing gamers. And as we know, to be a tabletop role playing gamer in the 90s means that you were the height of cool. Except not that at all. Three gamers, Henry, Riley and Troy, are in the suburbs of Cincinnati outside their friend Mike Kripke's house. Specifically, they're standing outside Mike's basement door. You know, with the outside steps that go down so you don't have to go through his house and talk to his mom when you show up to game. It's late. Black clouds conceal the stars. There's a cold wind blowing up from the Ohio River. Trees are swaying, leaves scatter. A dog howls in the distance. It is a dog, right? Has to be a dog. We're in the middle of Cincinnati. Thunder rumbles overhead. Suddenly the wind gusts and blows the basement door open. It bangs against the interior wall. You see light coming from the basement. Of course Mike is expecting you. You all descend and he is there in the basement, ensconced behind his GM screen. There's 70 shag carpeting on the floor. The old furnace grumbles behind him. It's warm and cozy and bright. Mike's cat, Mr. Cat, is relaxing on an easy chair. He's got the table set up with minis, papers, books, snacks and a 3 liter of orange soda. And Mike announces. And now gamers, the last session may have the greatest session of our Rifts campaign so far. Because of course you're nerds in the middle of America in the 90s and you're too good to play second edition AD&D anymore, so you're playing riffs. So Jacob, where at the table does your character Riley sit?

Closest to the beer fridge.

Closest to the beer fridge. Gotcha. Do you want to tell us a little bit about Riley?

Riley is, you know, around five foot nine. Looks like he at one point in his life was fairly fit, but those years are bit far behind him. He's got a shock of red hair that's cut in a high and tight. His hands are covered in cut marks from his job as an electrical engineer. He's still wearing a work shirt with a pocket protector and a pair of Duluth Trading Company carpenter pants. Oh, and riding boots, of course.

Yes. To complete the ensemble.

Well, yes. What's a good electrical engineer without their rather expensive motorcycle habit?

Yeah. Yeah. What kind of character is he playing in this Rifts campaign?

In the Rifts campaign we're playing right now, he's playing a Will. Will go crazy and say he's playing a glitter boy.

Oh, yeah, glitter boy. Yeah. So you settle down the door, you get. You hear the door to the basement. The. The inside door open and a Chihuahua comes trotting down the steps and runs over and jumps into Mike's lap. It's his Chihuahua, Bronson. Now, Alex, what sort of relationship does Henry have with. With the Chihuahua? This is of critical importance.

I'm always slipping him snacks, man. He's a little dude. He needs the snacks. Needs to bulk.

That does make sense given your character. Do you want to tell us about Henry?

So Henry, he's a good dude. He's, you know, works at the Pizza Palace. You can tell by the hat he's still got on. Because, you know, why not? It's got his classic blue, you know, pledge long sleeve kind of rolled up. This guy is bong to the left, bag of some stuff, some illegal substances. It is the 90s. And yeah, he's just a happy go lucky dude. He's not always the best at remembering things or doing the right thing at the right time. But ain't much malicious about this guy. Happy go lucky guy. Oh, here you go, little man.

So we know Jacob has been playing a glitter boy. What character has Henry been playing in this Rift campaign?

Oh, far out question man. That would require me remembering other classes. You could say I'm a techno wizard with a flying van.

Somewhere in the north of the northwest of this location, Jacob is sitting in real life at a table, rolling his eyes at the fucking stoner, fucking techno wizard. He's playing across because it's 1997.

He doesn't know why. He feels a great disturbance in the force.

To be fair, if you had asked me to pick a class for Henry, I would have said something involving a van.

Sean, you're the last to take your seat at the table. Tell us about your character, Troy.

I'll start. I'll start with Troy's physical form because that's what people see. He's about 6 foot 4. Tall or wide, doesn't matter. He's just a huge. Used to be a lineman. He's still wearing his Varsity jacket from high school. He's still an athlete, but his chance to move forward with that has fallen by the wayside. These days, he's a mechanic. He's not a very good one. And he's kind of laid back. Gets along with the table pretty well, despite his almost ogre ish physique. Generally a gentle giant, if you will. And always. He tends to get his characters killed, but he always plays some kind of wizard he wants to be.

Right.

Currently, he's playing a Leyline Walker, who is a. Just a real charmer, which is not him at all. But this is an escape for Troy.

Nice.

He also never remembers the rules. Never remembers the rules. Henry may be partially to blame for that.

When you say former athlete, I'm just. I can't help but picture the Al Bundy situation.

That's pretty. That's pretty fair.

So rough.

Quick question here. How old are you two?

I was thinking 25, 26.

Enough that I've realized, yeah, the glory ain't ever coming.

It ain't coming. Yep.

Yeah.

Around 23, 24.

I'm in my late 30s.

Oh.

So although I kind of fit in with you two, it may have had something to do with the eight years I spent in the army, but, you.

Know, that will burn some time.

Well, that makes sense, because it was illegal to run games in the 90s without a veteran.

Yes.

It was like you had to have somebody that was in the army in your group or you couldn't play. You could play D and D, but that was about it. That was the only thing you could play. Yeah.

Either you had a vet in your group or you had someone who'd already signed their papers despite the fact they were 15.

Yeah. Yeah.

I will say my only post high school Riffs game was in the Army.

So you guys get into the game, Mike starts running, and as he said before, this is. You know, you guys have been playing Riffs for over a year now, maybe a little longer. And you. You all have kind of realized this is going to be the. The ultimate session. And it is indeed a great session. It goes long into the night. Bad guys are defeated, old ones are sealed away. An entire coalition city, state is laid waste. And finally, your characters emerge gloriously victorious in an epic final battle against their recurring foe, John Villain. Because Mike has never been the best at naming his NPCs, and John Villain wasn't supposed to be the bad guy, but you guys latched on to him as this great source of evil after Mike just made him up in session. 3. And he kept not dying, because that's.

Just how it goes based on how he named his cat. That makes sense.

Yeah. But finally, John Villain is defeated and he falls at your feet. And it's late in the evening. You guys are all in the wake of your victory, just leaning back, catching your metaphorical breath. It's completely dark outside. THUNDER RUMBLES man, that's awesome.

Wish we could be in Rift's earth in real life.

Suddenly, something changes in the room. You can't identify what it is. It's almost imperceptible, as if some sixth sense you didn't know you had activated sprang into life. Suddenly, there's another person sitting at the table. He is unlike all of you. He is tall, handsome man with flowing blonde hair. He wears a bright crimson shirt stitched with silver thread that seems to be of a fashion that in the 90s, you likely would not have been able to place. It feels simultaneously old and also more sophisticated, perhaps. His eyes are crystal blue. In one hand he holds a fat goblet and he's swirling dark wine. And he looks at Henry and his eyes glitter and he says, as you wish. The basement door bangs open. An icy cold gale blasts inside. The air is filled with notes and napkins and suddenly, from. From nowhere, ice and snow. It hadn't been snowing outside when you came in. There was no ice. There is screaming, but you're not sure if it's the wind, one of the other guys, or you. The scream reaches a shrill crescendo that bursts your eardrums. Lightning crashes in through the basement door and the flash of pure white blind you. You can feel heat on your skin that reaches a fever pitch of pain until you feel nothing. All your senses go dead. Your thoughts race and twist until incoherence overwhelms what sanity is left and you are no more. And I think that's a good stopping point.

It's great playing with you guys.

Good game, good game, good game, good game. The first perception you have after this is you hear someone say, read from the book, Witch. The voice is deep and hard. There's no silence afterward, but loud and frantic, rhythmical mass chanting and a rumble of thunder. And then someone says, a very different voice. I cannot rush. This precise intonation is critical. The voice is feminine, cultured, and it seems very much to you, tinged with fear. If something goes wrong, do as you are commanded. Your life is forfeit, but your soul might be allowed to escape, as you say, so. There's a long pause and this. This feminine voice starts talking again, and the language spoken is not one you've ever heard, but you can't you comprehend some of it, despite not knowing. She speaks ancient and terrible words, beseeching terrible entities to bring forth something. And then you hear. Well, you interpret more than hear a mention of empty vessels. The wind is howling. It carries a voice who disturbs me. And then the louder, more masculine voice. I do. Tarmac the Crucifier. Loyal servant to the true gods. I want fearless killers, veterans of a thousand battles, slayers of gods and demons. Give me this terrible ones. The answer is in a tone altogether different than before, and it merely says, as you wish. The laughter that comes afterward echoes, and your eyes open. It is night, as it was when you left Ohio, because that's the only way you can leave Ohio. Dark clouds blot out the stars and the wind whips across your bodies. You're up in the air. No, no, no. Not you're not up in the air. You're on a hillside, on a raised slab of stone. Your senses start to rapidly return, and the pain you felt in your last moments in Mike's basement are gone. You don't have a lot of time to ruminate on any changes to your physical body, though you do feel different, because arrayed around you are a throng of shriveled, wasting men and women in dark cloaks marred by foul icons. They're rhythmically chanting indiscernible words, and on a dais not far away, silhouetted, silhouetted by the moon, are two figures. One is slight and kneeling in dark orange robes. Her skin is dark brown and her hair is bound in tight white curls. A thick cylindrical rod rests on the ground in front of her, and there are definitely glyphs covering the ends of the rod. The other figure is a hulking and armored humanoid. Spikes splinter his mail from Pauldrons and Vambrace. The twisting curves of the helm seem as if they must rest tight against his skull, but from the set of the eyes, you realize that the armored head is the skull. And as you you realize there are four of you now. As you rouse yourselves, the figure laughs. Glory to the true gods. Finally fitting warriors to survive. Tarmac the Crucifier Arise, warriors. He points to the south, and in the far distance you can just make out the glimmering lights of a village. A nothing place lies at our feet. We shall butcher all who live there. Arise, dread warriors. Tell your new master your names. He's looking at all of you.

That was fucking incredible, guys.

I do not give my name, but I definitely jumped to my feed. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Guys. I think I'm a Terminator too.

Are we naked?

Why do my knees not hurt anymore?

No, you're not naked. You are dressed in clothes. Sean, do you want to start describing the new body that Troy finds himself in?

Yeah, it's. To him, it's petite. It's still a muscled, sinuous figure rippling with strength, but it is strength fueled by cybernetic augmentations and stuff like that within him. So he is still powerful and strong. He does also have weird bulges on his skull and has no hair where various implants are sticking out. Later, he'll probably pretend like it's some kind of cyber mohawk, but his head is definitely deformed. But yeah, he moves fast. When I say he jumps to his feet, he's up. Yeah, he doesn't even seem to notice that he doesn't look the same. He's just so excited. Okay, Henry.

Yeah.

Wrong. Wha.

What do you mean?

Dude?

Don't screw with me, Troy. I'm feeling really weird right now, man. Not in a good way.

I don't know what was in this shit, man, but this is all fucking great. Where's Riley? Riley? Riley.

Yo, I'm right here. You look over, It's Riley, except 2 inches taller and looks a little bit more grizzled with a patchy beard. And instead of a high and tight, he's got a red hair, red mohawk, is wearing a bomber jacket, which you've never seen Riley wear before.

Nice, dude.

Good look on you. Love the new look.

So you must be Mike, right? Mike. Nice chick.

This hulking form steps forward, stones crutch crushing under his feet. Who is Mike?

Wow, he got really into character for this one.

I am Tarmac the Crucifier. And you realize Mike has never come up with a name that I was.

Going to say Mike can't come up with names like that.

Wait a minute. You're not Mike. Who are you, man?

I am your master. I've summoned you here with this terrible artifact. And he grabs the woman, like, picks her up, and she yelps, this witch, help me summon you. Who are you?

I'm about to. I'm about to kick your ass if you don't put that gal down. And I stand up and realize I'm suddenly towering over Holy. My friends. And I'm like, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. And I kind of get lost at looking at my finger camera kind of opening and closing the lens. Guys, I don't think we're in Cincinnati anymore.

And that's fucking great. Cincinnati was bullshit.

Yeah. Yeah.

But I really wanted a four way on the way home.

I.

Okay.

Sorry. Deep cut for Cincinnatiites.

So as Henry looks himself over, he realizes he's got a lot of jagged edges across some pretty smooth. What looks like, if I was to harbor a guess on a cool term, plasteel armor based, you know, nothing about him looks human anymore, at least from what he can see, which is also disconcerting because he realizes he's got a like, what looks like a clock calendar kind of like on his arm. So that's a little confusing for him too. And he starts kind of like, what? What? Like, little spikes are jumping out of his. Out of his knuckles. He's like, what? What is this? Kind of like feeling his face, but it's got a face plate over it, so he's just not feeling like kind of going over the cameras where his eyes would be, I guess. Guys, this is.

That's some.

I don't know what's going on, but I feel like. Actually, I feel like a million bucks. Got a little like pneumatic jackhammer arm. If you hadn't figured it out. Henry has become a Borg.

Full conversion.

Full conversion. All right, so as I was saying, bro, put that lady down.

This lady. He raises her slightly higher, and you can see his grip tighten.

Whoa. There's no need for violence.

I think there's absolutely a need for violence. Stop me if you don't like this. In care. Out of character. But I am confident in his current state that Troy would try and tackle this guy.

Go for it. I ain't gonna.

Troy's gonna execute a. A surprise tackle. He's gonna rush the quarterback before he can throw the girl.

Now, Troi, with supernatural speed, he gets down in position, ready to leap. And that's when he noticed there's a fourth figure on this giant stone with them. And there were only three of them at the table with Mike npc. Do you want to describe your character?

The humanoid figure on the fourth slab does that roll of the shoulder and the crack, and then just kind of leaps up into a three point position. Behold your master human Jesus. It is I, Mr. Cat. And it is a beautiful white and black speckled man leopard, completely in the nude.

With or without fur?

Oh, with fur, yes.

Dude, Mr. Cat, you're packing.

Yes.

That is because this shell has something my former did not. Genitals.

Okay. And with that, with that, I think we're ready to roll. Initiative.

I'm surprised you're not licking already, Mr. Cat.

All right. We'll have sleeves for that. And just to recap the rules for those who do not know initiative, we're going with a 1D20 plus our initiative mod. Correct?

That is 100% correct.

Yes.

I have a 14.

I have a 13.

12.

18.

Oh, wow.

Okay. I have a question, Sean. About your implants. You're crazy, right?

Yes.

Okay, so you've got the mom implants in the head. Do yours. Do the piston effect? Yeah. Or do they static?

Let me think about that. I haven't considered that yet. I had imagined them getting more dramatic as he got more.

Okay.

Experienced. But let me think about that. Good question.

Troy got an 18. Mr. Cat got a 14. Riley got a 13. Henry got a 12. And I rode like crap with an eight. Fittingly, Troy goes first. Alex. Or. I'm sorry, Sean. What do you do?

Probably a bad combat move in Rifts, but I'm going to try and just leap at him. Tackle him. I'm tackling him, not wrestling him. I'm trying to tackle him before he can. As I stated, throw the girl.

Awesome body block tackle. That's it. That counts as two melee attacks. But as a crazy. I'm assuming you have definitely more than two. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

I'm willing to burn two to try and tackle him. Seems appropriate.

All right. Roll your strike an eight.

Not the best.

You have a bonus to strike at all.

That is. That is with my. Yeah, I rolled a six, man. All right.

It's okay. It's okay. Now remember, on a. On a melee action Rifts, you only need a 5 or greater and exceed any target armor rating which he doesn't have armor rating which. This has caught him completely off guard. So he's not going to try to dodge or parry. So you're going to hit him.

Okay.

Now you only do D4 damage plus any physical damage bonuses. And I'm assuming you. I don't think crazies have.

I have augmented strength. I don't have his strength, but I have the. Better than a normal person.

What is your.

That's a lot.

34, I think. Something like that.

34 P.S.

Yes.

And it counts as augmented strength, but I don't. It's. Yeah. It's not Borg strength, but it's better than fleshy strength.

Yeah. 34 is super good. So you have augmented. Which does let you do MDC damage, I believe. Right?

Oh, yeah. So it. The augmented table is the most janky of all of the high damage tables. I think you only do mdc, if you do, like a power punch and it has to be a certain level or higher.

So it says physical damage here. 19. Does that mean I roll a D4 plus 19 this.

So the body block tackle is. I think it's just a D4, because with the body block, the idea is.

That you're going to tackle them.

Yeah. Your goal is to not so much damage them as it is the other things that the tackle does. Yeah.

Ah, four.

Now, for the body block tackle, it doesn't specifically call out if it's SDC or mdc. So we're going to say it's MDC damage if you can inflict MDC damage, because that just makes sense to me. So you could do 1d4mdc, as it.

Just so happens, you chose one of the most complicated of all of the actions to initiate the game with.

So he's a lineman. It was the thing I had to do.

At least you didn't grapple. You know what I'm saying?

Hey, you did the right thing.

All right, so I've used two of my actions. Yeah.

Four.

Four.

Four. Oh, wow, Nice. Now you can also roll percentiles to see if you knock him down. And you have a 34 strength, right?

Yes.

So you have a 60% chance of knocking him down.

So I need under 60. Yeah. By a lot.

15.

Isn't that 15?

Yeah. Nice.

So, yes. Well, under 60.

Roll your percentile dice.

I did 15. 15.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry. I remember to call out. I'm just like, yeah, we rolled it. Everybody stop when I rolled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a 15.

Awesome. Feel free to describe what this looks like when Troy just pile drives this dude.

So I want to ask you a question. Can I burn another action? Because I was thinking about this QB sack to kind of as I tackle him, slam through him, catch the witch and deposit her on her feet on.

The way through, kind of thing you 100% can.

Ooh. A fumble recovery on the takedown.

Slams into him, knocking him back at the same time, throws up one arm grab. Wow. So easy. Plants are on the ground as he tumbles across the ground with this guy. But, yeah, he would be thinking of it like a sack. So ideally.

So you spike her.

Touchdown dance. But yeah, he would go to ground with this guy. So not just. I'm not. Yeah.

So you slam into him, spin around with preternatural speed, catch the witch, put her down, and then tackle the guy again.

Yes.

Because I'm for it.

Yes, absolutely.

Okay, so you've spent Three actions.

Yes.

Tarmac is on the ground. He's taken four points of damage. He's lost an action because that is part of the knockdown penalties for bloody bok tackle on page 344 of Riff's Ultimate Edition. Okay, and you guys. And. And you. You. This thing lasts like milliseconds, and you rejoin him to drive him. Roll a D6.

Thank you. 5.

If you drive him 5ft off the dice. He was standing on it. You two guys tumble off the edge.

Well, with my new gymnastics skill, it looks sweet.

And so Mr. Cat sees the. The woman, the witch in. Yeah. The dark orange robes with the white hair, kind of, like, frazzled. Ooh. And it is Mr. Cat's turn.

How far away is she?

This is a fairly compact, unhallowed dark ritual zone, so only about a dozen feet.

Okay.

I'm going to leap over to her, look down menacingly at her small, shivering form, and then lean in and rub my face against her hair. Do you need assistance, ma'?

Am?

Yes, I'm a prisoner. And she kind of jerks a thumb back at Tarmac and Troy, who are now just scrapping behind this dais.

Promises of scritches will get you everywhere.

I have tuna at my house.

Acceptable. Now I'm gonna leap after them.

Okay.

For the record, I can leap 50ft from a stand, so I'm hoping I can. I can land on them.

Yeah, they're not 50ft away, but for sure you can.

They went for a tumble. This is so.

Yeah, well, they just went five feet. It was, you know.

Okay. I wish to leap in and join it and turn it into one of those rolling balls of smoke and dust from which an occasional claw or a foot kind of emerges from a cartoon.

Absolutely, absolutely.

Yeah. I'm just gonna turn that into, like, a leaping pounce with the. Let's make it a two attack power strike.

Okay, cool. Roll your strike.

That is a 23 total.

Oof. Oof. Okay, so Tarmac does have his wits about him now, and he's going to attempt to dodge that. It's going to be more difficult for him because he is prone at the moment. And what did you roll?

A total two. Strike of 23.

He starts to twist out of the way, and Mr. Cat is. Is impressed at how quickly this big guy can move, but it's not quite fast enough. And Mr. Cat comes down on him. Roll your damage.

Ooh. Okay, well, that is with my cat claws.

Can you remind me very quickly, Mr. GM, our defensive moves require actions, or are they generally free?

They definitely require actions. Okay.

So if I want to defend myself, I should try. Try and save them.

Yeah. So, rules as written. And I guess this is a house rule that I. That it just occurred to me, rules as written. You can borrow defensive reactions from future turns, which makes absolutely no sense to me from a balance perspective. So you could absolutely not do that. So, yeah, it is a good idea to reserve some if the bad guy hasn't gone yet.

Gotcha.

Okay, I do not do MDC. I do 28 points of SDC. Wait, no. So it's double. Because it's power. So 56 SDC.

So, Mr. Cat, you're using claws, right?

Yep.

Mr. Cat comes down pounding and scratching, raking. His armor is thick and heavy. You're ripping through some of the leather strappings and pulling at plates. And this creature, tarmac, the crucifier. Whatever he actually is, he doesn't smell humid at all. To Mr. Cat, it's definitely the worst thing Mr. Cat has ever smelled from just a foulness. The corruption just leeches into his nostrils. But it doesn't appear you make any impact on his exterior.

I must note that Mike was often remiss at cleaning my toilet. This smells pretty bad.

And it is Riley's turn.

Riley is going to get the slab he was standing on and crouch down behind it and quick start patting his pockets, only to discover to his horror, he is once again wearing a jumpsuit. He swore he never would wear one of those once he got out of the army, and yet here he is. And even worse, his pack of Marlboro Reds is missing.

Oh, no.

So, combat description for that is he.

Takes cover, noted lapses into depression because.

He can't find his cigarette.

Oh, yeah, there's going to be a problem in about a couple hours.

Yeah. So the witch leaps off the dice, runs across this hilltop, and clambers over the stone, crouches next to you. Hello. Sticks out of hand. Hey. Howdy.

Riley's the name.

Yes, I'm experience.

Riley thinks back he never met a stripper named that. New one on him. Do you happen to have a cigarette?

No, No, I don't smoke anymore.

What the hell's going on?

Well, I may have read the incantation song slightly wrong. And also I am fairly certain some sort of trickster entity intervened. You're not evil, right? You.

You forgot to say nikto, didn't you?

Fine.

Evil.

And with that, it is Henry's turn.

All right, I'm going to need a hand down here.

So I see Troy Tackle get totally all up in tarmac's business. Then I see. See Mr. Cat leaping into the fray, just getting into the mix of things. And I, of course, see Riley kind of stepping back and the witch going. I'm like, all right, all right, all right, all right, guys. Mr. Cat, you don't got any clothes on, man. You're gonna. You're gonna like. All right. And I start to move forward. I figure there stop me if this is not the way to approach this, but is tarmac kind of all upon right now? Like, people are crowding his general space?

Absolutely. But you can wade in for sure.

I think he wants to shoot in that direction. That's what I'm worried about.

I was more thinking about doing the concept in my head was that I would underestimate my new abilities and basically jump up and accidentally crush something.

I think you should 100% do exactly that.

Absolutely.

Whoa, Mr. Cat, you're gonna hurt something. So I basically. I'm like, everybody's jumping. I'm gonna jump. I like to jump. So I jump, hoping that'll get me a little bit forward. But then it, you know, kind of propels me a lot farther than I expected. And the thing I was just gonna think about was a robotic leap kick. Just jumping up. Robotic leap kick down on his face.

Roll to strike.

Provided I don't shoot far over.

You could use the. The heroism to re roll that if you. He rolled a one.

Yeah. If you want to spend a point of heroism, you can. Absolutely.

Heroism refreshes.

Does fate.

Fate is the one that does it.

Heroism.

That's right. Yeah.

I got three heroism. So I'm down to two.

Yeah, yeah. All you got to do is re roll.

All right.

Get another one.

I got a six.

Plus. What's your strike bonus?

So eight.

Okay. That is enough to hit him. He is definitely gonna try to dodge, and that is a fail. I'm rolling super great.

He wasted an action, and you still hit him.

So, yeah, he's wasted two dodges so far. So the foot comes down, smashes into his chest. Roll your damage. I believe I'm assuming a robotic leap kick takes at least two actions.

It absolutely does. Yeah.

1.2D6, if I'm reading that right. Yes.

Yeah. And it doesn't add your damage bonus on that one. It is 2D6MD. Yeah.

Oh, that's a set of box, guys.

12. Yeah. This massive borg foot smashes into the breastplate, cracking it. This black smoke roils out, ichor splattering over Henry's foot. You dare hurt tarmac? The Crucifier.

Tarmacs are for airplanes, bro. Or airports.

You don't have to make that distinction, Henry. We know what.

Tarmac roars, curse you. And he. He raises his hands and slams them into this Borg leg, raking these massive, unnaturally sharp claws. He is making his claw rake attack, which requires two actions. He hits on a 12. Do you want to dodge or parry?

I would advise, Alex, since you've never played. If it's a melee attack and you're allowed to parry, take the parry because dodging will cost you future actions, whereas parrying is free.

Oh, I didn't know parry was free.

Okay, okay, well, it's free, okay? The rules say it's only free if you have a hand to hand combat skill, which every single character in the goddamn game has, which means it's free.

Parry.

So you're gonna roll a D20, add your parry, and try and beat his 12, if I'm not mistaken.

Well, you need to get a 12 or higher, cuz defender wins.

Ties.

What's your parry bonus?

It's nine.

It's nine?

Yeah, it's plus four.

Oh. So total. Total of nine?

Yeah, total of nine.

No, no. Yeah. Sorry.

No, I wish.

I thought his parry is nine. Man, I need to reread boards. Well, yes, but you're like a ninja cat.

Yeah, kinda.

Yeah.

You don't have to parry because you have hundreds of mdc.

We're gonna say this damage is to your right leg. 18 MDC. As these claws slam into you, start shredding the metal. And apparently Borg. As a Borg, you could still feel pain. It is a muted, diminished kind of pain, more of an awareness that damage is occurring to the exterior of what you're starting to think of as your body, but it's definitely there. It's not the best thing you've ever felt.

Oh, you're just going to town on my leg.

Yeah. And he pushes you away, scrambles to his feet, looking at you all very warily. That is the end of his turn. It's the top of the initiative, Troy. Do you still have actions remaining?

I do.

In a typical combat, I wouldn't tell you how many actions the bad guys do or don't have. But since this is our first one, he's used all his actions.

Okay, Whoa. Well, that doesn't change what I was gonna.

Dodging.

And I'm like, you son of a. And I'm just gonna. I'm gonna punch him as hard as I can. I'm using my mega punch, full strength power punch. It will take Two actions. But that's okay because I have enough for that.

And it should say whether it's SDC or mdc, if you have it.

Oh, that. The mega punch is 2D4mdC.

There you go.

Yeah, nice that.

I had to look up the augmented strength rules to figure that out. That's. That's 15.

All right, he's gonna attempt to parry. No, that is not. That is not a success. That is actually. He does actually meet that, but he doesn't beat it. Roll your damage.

All right.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

If he meets. It does go to defender.

He parried with the same number.

He got a 14 and you got a 14.

No, no, no, I got a 15.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, There we go.

Oh, okay.

Because the defenders actually win ties.

Oh, okay.

That's gonna be 6mdc.

So with the hyper crazy speed, Troy jacks this dude right in the face. He stumbles back. Sean, is that all of your actions or do you have any more?

I've still got one more. I have six actions.

I mean, you could. Yeah, he doesn't have any more offensive capability, so you can use it now if you want.

Sure. I don't have any. I don't have enough to do another mega punch, but if I do a regular punch, it's still. Then it's sdc. I don't know all the combat moves. Can I try and do like a trip or something like that?

I think if you have hand to hand martial arts as a skill, I think leg sweep is one of the basic ones. I think. I don't know.

I could double check. I do have hand to hand martial arts.

Could I always tackle them again?

That takes two, and I don't. Do you happen to know, Mr. Gym.

The thing I'm seeing here on foot strikes is a trip or a leg hook.

Okay.

Does no damage, but can knock down an opponent if the strike is successful.

That's all I want.

The opponent would lose a melee action and initiative, which he doesn't have initiative, but he could lose a melee action from round two.

And it just feels like him being prone would make it easier for Stomper to feel a stomp on himself.

It really does almost look like you're playing street fighter against them. And you're that guy who just gets him in a corner and leg. Sweet.

Leg sweep, sweet.

Nice.

Well, he does get his free parry, but it's, I guess, against a 21.

Oh, my gosh. No, no, no. So what's this. What's this Street Fighter leg hook look like?

So after the big punch and he still doesn't go down, and I see those claws, I just kind of martial arts. Yeah, he just kind of does. It kind of sweeps out like he's kicking past him. Then it hooks back to catch the back of the guy's knees, dropping him onto the ground. Onto his knees. So he's kind of kneeling in front of him.

He's kneeling?

Kneeling, yeah. Submissively, yeah. It's way more classy than anything Tank would have done, I'll tell you that much.

Tarmac goes down, loses an action, and it is Mr. Cat's turn.

Hmm. Well, give me another description of this guy, because Mr. Cat has realized that he can't damage him. Is he fully armor or is there something inside armor?

So he's covered in armor. There's spikes coming out of the shoulders and the gauntlets. The head does appear to be like. It is clearly some sort of stylized helmet, but it is also just discernibly like his head. However, you can see actual neck kind of stretching out behind it. So there are definitely some parts of him that are not metal.

Okay, I'd like to try and rip that helmet off of him if I can. What would I need to do to accomplish that?

I'm gonna say he's down. If somebody holds him, you could try to pull it off. I think it would have to be actually immobilized for you to be able to get leverage. But if there was, say, a Borg pinning him to the ground.

Minion, hold him down.

Whoa. Sure thing, mc.

I approve of this nickname, so I'm going to. I'm just.

Then I'm going to wait.

I'm going to wait for him to do his thing and then use my actions, if that's allowed.

100%. Allowed. 100%. Yeah.

Alex, does that skip right to me or does Riley go next?

Yeah, Riley.

Oh, actually, yes, it is Riley's turn.

Riley sees the guys on the ground, like peeks up enough to see that the guy's on the ground. Weird cat looking guy. And so come here often?

No, no.

Ringing. Ringing every single point he can out of his MA of seven.

So this woman, Experience looks at you and she points a finger at the dais where she and Tarmac were standing and left. There is this thick cylindrical rod on the ground, or rather on the dais. So this is about a three foot rod? It is. It has the look of antiquity to you. How much does Riley know about ancient history?

Not much.

It looks like the sort of thing he would see on a field Trip to the good museum in the Smithsonian when they went on a school trip. The glyphs are covering it on the ends. Like if it's three feet, like there's one foot of glyphs on one side, side, one footed glist on the other. Then a section in the middle where it could presumably be held. And this is a heavy thing. Like it would like Riley figures his hand would not fit around it like he would have to. It's got some weight to it. And she puts that we really should, should not let him get that. It would be, it would be a negative.

I'm gonna chog over and grab it.

So as you get up, you realize that remember you guys were actually surrounded by this crowd of cultists that had been chanting.

Oh, I forgot they were just cultists.

And as you move, you see some of them start to move. Seize it. Seize it for the master. The Rod of Ashokadan. And, and a number of people start moving towards it.

Okay, I'm gonna move to a full sprint to grab it.

All right, all right.

This is the first time any of us have seen Riley run. It's amazing.

When I quit having to get up at 4:30 in the morning for PT running went out the window.

So, so let's see. What is your, what is your speed?

Oh, you mean my gorgeous luxurious speed of 12.

Not great compared to the superhumans around you, but actually above human average, which is what these guys have. So Riley gets to it first, grabs it. It is heavy, but once he touches it, you feel some immediate kinship. There's like this reaction. It's, it's, it's like. Have you ever grabbed a, a hot wire fence?

Oh yes.

I wouldn't call that kinship.

Well, it's, it's, it's not painful in the way that that is, but whenever, I mean I grew up on a farm, I've done it before. And you can feel like the electricity going into your body, right? Yep. You have that same feeling. You don't know what it is. It's not painful, but it is definitely. There's some sort of energy that's flowing into you and you could feel flowing out of you into it. It's like this feedback loop.

I think.

Let's roll your horror factor since the first time Riley interacts with magic is likely going to be a bit traumatic.

The question becomes, do I get my OCC bonus to that?

100%.

As an engineering student, you're used to horrible things.

That's a 10. So you failed. Fuck you. Essentially you got to, you Know you are stunned because all you can think of is, oh, this is magic. And then, like, three cultists slam into you. You guys go down in a pile.

Oh, great. Fuck.

However, as you're being tackled and piled on, an awareness of magic is presented within your mind. There are three spells that you know of in this item that you can cast. Now, these are normally not spells that a techno wizard could cast, but this is a magic item. It's Thunderclap, Cloud of Steam, and Breathe without Air. Those are on page 57 of the book of Magic.

Book of magic is behind you on the shelf if you want to get it.

Thank you. And now it is Henry's turn. Everyone's favorite cyborg. That's here.

Oh, did somebody say it's Henry o'?

Clock?

I didn't even get the joke right.

I think it's a quarter past. My friend.

Maybe had a little too much. So I feel like the most appropriate thing here is a wrestling crush or squeeze O. Yeah, I'm down. So, yeah, it's not like Henry was ever a wrestler. You could almost argue, despite his slim frame back then, you know, he didn't have much. He wasn't about the physical. He was a lover, not a fighter. But as a, you know, Mr. Cat was like, oh, sees this dude. It's like, oh, yeah, for sure, man. Man. He kind of reaches down to clumsily grab, but he finds himself being able to manipulate the body of this man named Tarmac. If he is a man and he starts to just grip him and squeeze him.

Was a great narrative. I think you still have to roll. Oh, yeah.

Oops.

I tried griping. It was super good.

Forgot myself.

There he is. He is prone. He got. He got tripped down. Oh, yeah. So.

So I guess we're gonna be pinning him then.

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Just really getting into those shoulders.

That is a 15 on the die.

Yeah, that's. That'll be 17.

All right, so I'm gonna say that you can't parry a cyborg just falling on you.

When you're already on the ground.

It seems like something you could do, right? Like, how do you parry that? No, misdirect. Oh, no. He weighs 500 pounds or more. Probably more probably.

Yeah.

I think he weighs a ton or more.

No, no, no, no, no. We do not want to go assigning.

No, actually, I'm pretty sure Alex wrote down the weight when I was looking at it.

Yeah, that's why I take. Took TK left. Just so I could pick.

Interrupted.

No, no, no. You're Good. So now tarmac is held because there's a cyborg on him, like locking his torso in. Get off me, you creep.

Whoa. You need to chill out, man.

Now, Henry or Alex, if Henry has more actions, you can do things like, you know, punch him to inflict damage while he's held.

Otherwise, I happen to have two actions left.

Let me pop and just squeeze the bejesus out of him.

A little bejesus squeezing.

You could do that?

You do whatever.

I really would like to just do a full strength punch in his face. Just kind of roll over, like. All right.

Really?

Hold on. What's your strike mod? Yeah, give a bonus 2. So that's no you need. Unfortunately, that is about the only thing that you can roll and miss.

You're still getting used to the targeting system.

And his total was four.

Yeah, yeah.

Not quite.

So, yeah, we see this huge cyborg arm, like, jack up and it slams to the ground. It just pulverizes a rock now. Just dusts.

It only cost me one action point.

I could try again if you want to.

Wait.

Now that you've got him pinned, I can try and rip his head off. And if I get his head off.

His helmet.

Helmet. If I.

Well, he's gonna rip his head off if you don't hurry up and remove the helmet.

So if I pull his helmet off, he'll be much more squishy.

Yeah. I'm more stunned by the strength of my punch since. Yeah.

Can we do that?

Absolutely. Absolutely. You can definitely try to get his helmet off.

What do I need to roll to do that? Is that just a strike?

Yeah, I'm thinking it's gonna be a strike to get in there and then probably a check to see if you could, like, figure out how it is removed, because it's not. It's not just a helmet that's simply, you know, sitting on his head.

Fair. My strike is an 11.

Okay. He can't dodge, he can't parry. He's held. So the first place we're gonna go is, do you have any skills that seem like it would be relevant to removing a helmet to figure out how to remove this?

The innate skill of play with yarn.

No, no, he's got a point.

Okay. The only things that I could, skill wise, say would be either this is a leap, but wilderness survival. Knowing how to quickly remove a helmet if you're drowning could help. But other than that, your first aid. Do I have first? I do not have first aid. I've got some gymnastics and some acrobatic and Some client. I can fish. I got pick locks.

Oh, pick locks.

Oh, absolutely. Pick locks. Yeah.

Okay. All right, all right, all right. Is this our first skill roll?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've had a bunch of combat rolls. A saving throw, and now a skill roll.

46. Come on, 46. That is an 11. 11 under 46 for picking the lock on this helmet.

I just see you, like, put your hand back. One claw comes out.

Yeah. So Mr. Cat's hands go around the helmet, like, scraping and scratching and get underneath. And his very sensitive fingers are, like, tracing underneath the jaw and. And he feels the mechanisms, the releases on the underside of the helm, and they click into place. It's as much as luck as, like, something he was planning to do. And it peels off, and underneath is a face that was definitely once human. It is riddled with pustules, and degradation is the only way you can think about it. And the smell, if. If it was bad before, it's now even affecting the board. It's just this horrific smell that is roiling out. And you guys need to roll to make a save against horror factor. And the. What you're rolling against in this case is horror factor 10 +3. No. Nope.

Is that gonna be on the one fight or play?

They get a total of four.

Someone's gonna be a fraidy cat, apparently.

Well, I was actually thinking I was gonna just, like, be like.

No.

Just.

No, actually like you walking backwards on your tippy toes, going.

The cat backwards walk. Like I got stuck in something.

Yeah, your tail is, like, so up and bottle brushed.

Oh, that's a two.

What bonus gets applied to this?

So if you look on the first.

On the play tape. On the play sheet.

Yeah, on the play sheet, look for saving throws versus horror factor.

I rolled a six, and that's what it is.

That's a lot of fail.

Wow.

Yeah.

Why did you do this to us, man? Wait a minute.

I don't like laying on this guy.

Oh, my God. You want me to touch that?

Now, remember, you guys do have heroism.

So heroism would just let us re roll.

Yes.

We've got an hour left. I'm burning a heroism.

I'm.

I'm gonna stick with it. I think it fits.

Yeah.

I'm gonna see if you can't.

Yeah. All right.

Twelve.

Better than six.

Twelve. That's passive.

I'm gonna spend the heroism.

Yeah. Mr. Cat dances backwards, dropping the helmet.

I spent a heroism and still failed.

You know, that's what life is all about.

Yeah. Yeah. This is disgusting.

But now you can make a called shot and he to his unarmored face.

I would love to smack him in the unencumbered grill with a full strength punch.

I would. I would love for you to do that.

Take that strike roll plus two. You just need to get all right in the. Hey, it's not cocked.

That's on the table.

17.

Thanks, Salami.

So that's 17.

17. Yeah. You. You're. Oh, you're doing mega damage.

Robot.

Yeah, he's gonna parry with his face.

There's. This is a.

A paste situation.

Something else for this. It is 1D4.

1D4, but it's mega damage.

Oh, okay. In that case, you should. You should roll because theoretically he could survive. Survive this.

Yeah, I'm really.

Do we need to give you a dice rolling less than 2.

Can't survive that. He had a 25% chance. So this time, the cyborg punch slams into and through the skull. It goes in through the face, out through the back, hits the ground, jackhammers out. Ichor and what used to be internal body parts come with it. Tarmac. The Crucifier is no more.

Yes.

And Henry is definitely going to want to clean that hand.

Oh, gnarly.

Now you can thunder wave his goons or whatever.

Literally. Thunderclap was what was on the menu.

I would like it to be known that I have flung that helmet the fuck away.

Yeah. So some of the cultists have been running away and the helmet, like, flies through the air. You hear this clang. So, Jacob, would you like to cast a spell?

I would love to cast. Thunderclap so directly affects an immediate area of 30ft around. The Magic Weaver, aka yours truly, can be heard for up to a mile away. Basically, the warlock is able to create a booming clap of thunder that is so loud that it seems to make the very air vibrate. This is an effective method of intimidation, showing others anger, power or simple theatrics. It provides be with initiative over everyone and a bonus to One Strike, Parry and Dodge. And creates a horror factor. 10.

Yes, sir. Now the. The key wording there is the opponents, so you don't have to affect your friends or experience.

I was seriously getting ready to roll because I'm like. I backed right up into that.

So I'm gonna. What? I'm gonna. I'm gonna roll. The saving throws for the three cultists that are actually on top of Riley. Yep. That's a save. That's a fail. That is a fail. The thunder booms out across this hilltop. The cultists that were lingering on the edges of the battle, trying to figure out what they could do. Just fall to their knees, grabbing their ears, running and screaming. Two of the ones that had tackled Riley yelp and whine like animals more than people, scrabble to their feet and run away. But the other grabs attempts to grab the rod and try to wrestle it away from. From Riley. And we're going to do opposed.

Yeah, I'm sure you got a great PS.

So just roll a D20 and try to get. Get under my physical strength. Right?

Yeah, yeah. And he's going to try to get under his. Now remember, these are malnourished evil cultists.

Oh, well, I rolled a 4, which is 7 under my PS of 11.

That's great.

I rolled an 18, which is definitely not under his.

Well, then I know what I'm doing next.

How do you retain. How, how does it. How do you. How does Riley retain control of this artifact?

Riley like gets in this very brief tugging match. The guy just never, due to having two other friends trying to help him, didn't get a good grip on it in the first place. And so I managed to just like jerk it using the leverage of it to get it out of his hands. But it's so goddamn heavy that I end up doing this whip around and end up coming around the far side and clocking him on the head with it.

Nice. Nice. Yeah. You guys see this? You're all turning around. Do we need to help Riley? And then he just spins around and smacks it into this cultist skull, Cracks the dude's head open and he topples over.

Oh, I was gonna be totally happy with a non lethal clip, you know.

That'S not how ancient and powerful artifact.

Oh, this thing. This is a fat piece of, you know, stone artifact. Like there's no, there's no non lethal. It's. It's. It's a mace in some ways. And that is the end of combat. And you know, I think fast playing and easy to understand.

And that was less than 15 seconds in game.

So, you know, I knew we joke, but that was about an hour and a half with some breaks fighting. And we even had a brand new player here who dived into it. I don't think it was that confusing.

The fact that it took us an hour and a half for one round of palladium combat, even with technical break.

But that's one round of palladium combat with how many attacks, right? Therefore, one round of palladium combat more or less equates to like six to eight rounds.

No no, no. My entire point was that went really fast.

I'm like, sir, I'm. I'm also definitely very rusty. Right. You know, there's 30 years of rust on there. Well, I guess we're like 28 technically, but anyway. So quiet settles over the hilltop above you. The dark clouds that seemingly followed you from the 20th century are starting to dissipate. You can see stars. Does anybody have astronomy or anything similar.

Terrestrial land navigation?

Yeah, yeah. Roll your terrestrial land navigation.

I will roll this as well.

Have outdoorsmanship.

I've got telescope eye.

We're not actually predicting the weather. We're telling what kind of weirdness is happening. Right.

Yeah, yeah. You are noticing that the stars are not where they were.

Oh, you said terrestrial navigation.

Yeah, land navigation.

I do have that.

I got a 2 under a 72.

I blew it.

I have an 18. That's so horrible. My skills are so bad.

I rolled a goddamn 66 fine.

I have the skill. I'm just so bad at it. And I'm under. I got. I got a two under 18.

Alex, don't you have it?

Yeah, I was just. I noticed. Yeah. I got 26 in my.

Apparently, in addition to gamers, we also hold star parties.

35.

Yeah, that's right.

I think everybody but the lizard.

Yeah, yeah.

Who is dealing with the fact he somehow just made a thunderclap happen.

Yeah. So the Three of you, Mr. Cat, Henry and Troy, realize the constellations are in the wrong place. The stars have changed. Very different from what you remember. You're not on your Earth anymore.

It's like 17 little dippers. That doesn't make sense.

I think at this point it's starting to settle in that, oh, yeah, we're not in us anymore.

Like, I don't know, man. It's pretty cool. My vibroblade pops out of my arm and pops back in.

Still pretty cool.

I approach the cyborg and butt my head against his shoulder and that I need snacks motion.

I start, like, all my little, like, panels and stuff start popping out R2D2 style. Like, trying to check if I got anything. Like, oh, I'm sorry, little dude, I don't. All my stuff got left back behind. I'm sure we can find you something, though. We'll get you something. You won't go, maybe this guy start picking Tarmac's pockets. Maybe he's got something on him. Like.

Yes, like the conquered one.

Like a pizza bagel or a combo.

Tarmac is covered in this black armor with various leather straps. And you realize that some of the spikes in the armor weren't actually part of the armor, but that were growing out of tarmac and pierce the plating. He has a number of belt pouches. There are some strange talismans that you don't understand and other bits and pieces that you'd rather not explore.

He still stinks.

He still reeks. It seems slightly less bad than it was, but it's not great. It's pretty awful. He does have a large knife on his belt just for player purposes. It is a STC weapon.

Trash.

Sorry, man.

How big is Mr. Cat?

Oh, I'm just trying to.

Oh, okay. Because you're like. You head bump his shoulder. I'm like, how big is this? Damn. Okay, okay, okay. Thank you.

He is unusually large for his species. Yes. That said, I am also not 1200 pounds that I will leave to the Borg. The Borg definitely tops me on that one.

Well, I don't know what any of this stuff is, but don't want to leave it to waste. I grab a handful of talismans that don't look too dangerous and pop them into one of my thigh secret compartments. I realize that I now have because.

You know, you gotta loot.

So. Okay, so you took some of the tarmac's talismans. Yeah, that won't be bad later.

Dangerous one looking ones like. Well, we could trade these in for some snacks, I'm sure.

Oh actually hold on, let me roll.

Something here while you all are doing that.

The.

The cultist I clobbered. I'm like, like have put the rod in one hand and just have it on the resting on the ground. And with my free hand I'm like turning his head back and forth trying to figure out how I killed him with it.

You think it's probably the giant crack in his skull?

Yeah, but was it? Because the crack was right there. Would it have worked if it was an inch? Either way, insanity. Obsession with death.

I see, I see, I see.

Don't have to delve into it, just color commentary.

You guys also find 130 credits on tarmac.

Yeah.

Though you probably wouldn't recognize it as money.

But I wish to look for the woman.

Yes, I was just about to say she's still in row.

What about Riley? Yeah, turn him back.

All you see is the top of a mohawk going over the dais they were standing on.

Is the woman around the female?

She is, she's. Yeah, she's standing on the other side of the hilltop, kind of watching you guys cautiously. Hello?

Mike?

I'm just. I'M going to just scamper over. First, I wish to know, does she smell supernatural?

No. There is a smell of something that Mr. Cat can't place because he wouldn't be used to smelling. Like latent magic. But no, she does not smell. She smells human.

But if. If he were used to that, he would smell that. He would start to get used to that smell being around mages. Okay. Does she smell like the promised tune?

There is a faint aura. She's definitely been around some very high quality fish in at least the last 72 hours.

Young woman. I was told there would be fish.

I. I see. Yes. If you would all wish to accompany me. Where? I could try to help you get back to wherever you're from. Are you?

Oh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Were you. Were you pulled from Laszlo or maybe the new German Republic? Or.

We were pulled from Mike's basement.

Cincinnati.

I got to work tomorrow, guys.

Yeah, you're not the only one.

I don't know where Cincinnati, Ohio. Cincinnati is. Is that at the Lone Star or. Oh, Ohio. Oh. Oh, you're from the Federation of Magic. Well, that's unusual, given the Borg, but.

Given the what now? Oh, right.

There are Borg in the Federation of Magic. It's just somewhat unusual. But I can help you get back there. I live in New Laszlo. You're about two days from there. I can take you there. And I'm sorry to have summoned you that way. I wasn't sure who it was going to summon. I did muddle the spell a bit.

What state are we in?

Confusion.

Well, you're about two days west of New Laszlo in the Michigan wilderness.

Oh, shit. We're in Michigan.

What?

Oh, we're in militia country, God damn it.

I don't understand. There are militias, but not that many. It's mostly wilderness.

Let's just head back towards Cincinnati and we can figure things out along the way.

Is there like a train around here or like an airport or.

There is. There are open fields near New Laszlo where sometimes transport aircraft do land, but no trains. I understand there are some of the coalition states. I haven't been on one myself.

I like trains. I do train.

I don't suppose there's decent Chile anywhere around here.

I mean, it is a little cool. We should get off this hilltop.

Yeah, it seems like a plan.

I. Those.

Those dudes who were here might come back.

Let's and human woman lead us to your domicile, and me and my minions will follow.

Of course, I'm not. What kind of a DB are You.

I am a cat.

That should have anticipated that that's my fault. So she leads you off the the hill towards the village that tarmac mentioned when you. When you first arrived. And as you descend, she explains that the village is boxen, with a B or a V box and B, O, X, C, S O, N. Thank you. As you come down and walk through some fields. This is definitely like much more of a hamlet than a village. Maybe two dozen houses clustered around a well. There are people outside kind direction. Few have lamps. Very low technology. It definitely. Yeah. I mean, none of you have been to Michigan lately, but you definitely remember Michigan being much more high tech than this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't remember there being Amish in Michigan.

No. We're dressed, but don't have gear proper. Is that. Am I expecting that?

Clothing is a human fascination.

That's. I'm just making sure I don't, like, have a last rifle on my back or some crazy crap.

No. And while most of the people that have gathered to see what the disturbance was are human, not all of them are. There's one man that looks very much like a living lizard. And another and two other people that are definitely upright bipedal dogs. And one of them says, I will kill you, Mr. Cat.

Minions.

Destroy him.

It looks very much like a dog. Humanoid chihuahua. And he is also naked.

Aw, little dude, there's no need for that. We all might want to, but I.

Will also eat your poop. And the other dog boy looks at this guy like, what? That guy's wearing, like, overalls. And he takes a step away from Bronson. Bronson. Bronson comes over. I. I have a number of questions. One, why am I this way? Two, I can talk. Three, where's Mike? I miss Mike.

Oh, it is that one.

Bronson, Little dude, is that you?

Yes, it is I. And I am very upset. Henry. You smell like Henry, though. Your face is strange.

Dude, you're telling me, man, you didn't used to talk?

No. Not at least where you could hear me. It hurt my soul, but the Cheetos helped.

Does anyone have a ball?

Well, you got two of them now, buddy.

Yes. Yes, I do.

Did you slip us some acid?

Oh, bro, we've been over this. You know I'd never do that. It's a waste of good acid.

You guys see experience talking to some of the villagers. And after a minute, she motions you and she says, they're gonna let us stay in this barn. And she takes you to a large barn that's away from the houses. There's some horses inside and some cows. It's warm and indoors. And she says it's. We'll. We'll head to New Laszlo tomorrow. It's too late to journey. And even in this settled sort of area, it's too dangerous to travel at night.

Quick question. Did we just completely abandon Bronson then?

No, the dog's gonna keep watch.

No, he came. He gotcha. I missed.

That was like, whoa, kid, just leave little Bronson.

No, no, Bronson came with you.

Okay, good.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, you know, behind you. Like, please take care of me, Henry.

Oh, you know it, little guy. We'll get you. We're gonna get you guys so many snacks. Like, we'll figure this out.

Yeah. So the. So experience arranges. They do bring you some food. It's very basic. It's basically like an oatmeal porridge. And, yeah, there's some beer to go along with it.

The fuck am I supposed to do with this porridge? How.

How. How.

How do.

I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. I haven't figured out where my mouth is.

Fair. I'm just gonna smack at it. Try and figure out this liquid food.

So that's.

You're not, like, wearing. That's not armor.

I mean, I feel something moving around. Like, I think I have lips, but, like, I can't figure out. Just trying to, like, manipulate the face plate. I don't know, man. I don't really want to pop a blade into my skull either. I'm not really hungry, though.

And you're also not breathing, Henry.

Good point, Troy.

Just saying.

What the is coming out of your head?

I don't know, man. I don't know.

So experience comes over and she says, I. I don't. I don't mean to intrude, but you'll seem very disoriented about a lot of very basic things. Are you okay?

Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. This is out of character. Question. I forgot you said we could do this. We're all theoretically Rifts players. We can use character knowledge.

Right. We could start piecing things together.

Just make it true. Okay. That I'm following.

I was waiting for a Eureka moment. I was waiting for a Eureka moment. Like, we. Like, we went from ending an awesome Rifts game to this intense combat situation to what the is going on?

We're in a.

We're in a Renaissance fair Hamlet. And putting the pieces together.

Finally, I believe we have entered the world of your silly game with its polyhedrals and shit.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, we see what you do when a D20 hits the floor.

Have you ever pondered the D20? Have you looked at it?

The possibilities it holds within? And then when you smack it and.

It goes flying across the room, it is bliss.

Whoa, Experience, didn't you say you had some tuna?

Well, Experience says, yes, I do have some and other foods at my home, but unfortunately tarmac took me quite far from there. We can reach it in two days, I think. And we could forage along the way. There's many streams and some villages.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You said a bit ago you were from where?

New Laszlo.

Are you playing with me?

She just looks confused. Kind of looks at the others. No, no.

Do you remember where Mike started the campaign? If I said glitter boy, would that mean anything to you, ma'?

Am? Yes, of course. And she gives you kind of a look like, of course it does, you moron. Yeah. You know, she's like, yeah, of course. Yes. I don't. Are you playing with me?

What would I point over at Bronson? What would you call him? Not his name, but what he is?

An imbecile.

He's a dog boy.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Tattoo.

And you're some sort of wizard. Are we all on the same page? I. I mean, the crazy, the Borg, I assume, person.

Let me guess. The year is not 1997.

No, it's certainly not.

Listen, Riley, that was the most fun that I've had since the senior homecoming game. And I don't fucking know. I'm going to get some sleep.

Do you mean, are you talking about a year that's pre apocalypse?

Yes.

Oh, it's definitely not pre apocalypse.

Yeah, I figured that. Oh, God, I loved indoor plumbing.

Well, I have indoor plumbing.

I'm just sitting over here watching my finger Jack pop in and out my finger.

Every time it does that. I'm bad at it.

In out experience, you know, kind of pats Riley on the shoulders. He says, I feel like you fellas are from farther afield. Perhaps than. Than. Than was intended by the magic. And you could stay with me. I. I very much appreciate you saving my life. And you can stay with me while you attempt to rethread the scattered skein of your fate.

This sounds like some Mike would say.

Who. Who is Mike?

Mike was the friend of ours who was running a game.

And you wouldn't know him because Mike would never give out experience.

Oh, I understand that joke.

I. I don't. But. But he's a crazy, so I just assumed.

Oh, son of a bitch. That was what I Was afraid of. Well, it could have been worse. He could have been a juicer.

Sure. It's not the first time I've been called crazy. Thanks. Thanks.

So, guys, then. Where's Mike?

I'm bored. I'm going to sleep.

If Bronson can't find him, you're not gonna find him. Just go to sleep.

The cat is going to sleep.

Even smelling.

You're having a depressive episode.

I had a little bit of porridge. Now I'm going to.

Yeah, you're having a depressive episode with your porridge.

Wait a minute. Can I even sleep anymore?

And I'm having an existential crisis over here.

Excellent.

It's a rock all over again. Jesus.

All right, guys, hold on.

Bronson is just licking out what's left of everybody's porridge bowl.

Let me just try this real quick, guys. Powering down. Ah, shit.

All right, what we thinking? You total conversion Borg or something?

I.

I mean, I would say so.

Still can't figure out how to work this face plate. Oh, no, dude, my dork. Clang, clang, clang, clang. I'm not freaking out. Not freaking out, guys. Not freaking out. You can tell internally he's freaking out.

The cat can talk. You got shit wired in your brain. Yeah, you're a fucking Terminator.

Yeah, like two Darth Vaders.

Well, at least I got a little taller.

I mean, let's be real, man.

The hair.

Pretty choice.

I guess you did some magicy thing, right?

Yeah, that was. That was that rod thing.

Can non magic people use magic items? I can't remember.

So experience says. Look, look, fellas, I feel like you've had a big hour or so here, and I think you should probably just kind of close your eyes and just take a break. And tomorrow everything will feel better when the sun comes up. I'm gonna go sleep in the loft. And please don't come up there.

I'm just thinking I'm gonna wake. She's gonna wake up with a cat.

On top of her 8 foot 10 cat.

When the cat purse wake up with the cat's butt.

Nervous?

Yeah.

You promised me tuna.

Yeah. And we will end there for the night.

Perfect.

Well done. I'm glad only one of two, maybe three of you are having terrible existential crises.

I was riding high and then you guys brought me down. That's okay. It's my own mental damage.

Okay, so my insanity, which I have never revealed up to this point as we were making the characters, is God complex.

How would we know you're a cat?

Well, Originally made the character as a dog boy, and then it was looking. I forget why, but we were looking through other stuff and I was converting other things to the sheet and I saw the battle cat. It's like God complex cat. Well, that makes sense.

Yeah, that absolutely traps.

Although it also makes sense for a Chihuahua.

It definitely.

It works either way. But I'm kind of liking where you're going with the cat.

Yeah, that was fun.

So everybody gets 575 XP because unlike Mike, I will give you XP.

Oh, does that at 575 does not include our bonus.

Right.

We have to manually add that ourselves.

You do, because you all have slightly different ones. I believe so. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it.

It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, I forgot how much I missed.

Thanks, Kufl. Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you for putting this together. Thank you for reaching out to me and being like, hey, let's do a thing, because no problem. It's been too long since I've played anything, but it's been even longer since I've played a Palladium game that I wasn't running. And listeners, I hope you enjoyed this as well. This is something that I'm imagining will come as a surprise to you because we haven't talked about it at all. So if you have any feedback, any thoughts, any requests, please drop by our Discord server and drop those questions into our Glitter Boys channel. Thanks for listening. Thanks again, Kyle.

You're welcome, Alex.

Sean, thanks for joining us.

Thank you.

And we'll get more to you very soon.

Have a good night, folks.

Starships, magic, Mystic Martial arts, romance. All of these can be found in a Cloak of Blades by Isaac Sher. You might have heard my name before. I've done a lot of voiceover work for Breakfast Puppies and I've recently released my first novel. It's available on Amazon as an ebook and paperback, and you can get it for free if you have a Kindle unlimited subscription. I do hope you'll support my work. As you're saying, supporting Breakfast Puppies. And it's been a pleasure talking with you today.

Have a good one.

You've been listening to the Glitter Boys, a Palladium Books fan podcast. Glitter Boys Rifts, the Megaverse, and all other such topics are the property of Kevin Sambita and Palladium Books. Please buy all their stuff and help keep them in print and making more games. You can order [email protected] and their entire catalog is available digitally at drivethrurpg as well our opening music is 8 bit bass and lead by furbyguy from freesound.org this closes amazing music is Caravana by Philip GROSS [email protected] all sound effects used are self made or acquired via Creative Commons zero License. If you like what you have heard, find us on Twitter and Facebook as theglitter Boys. That's B O I S and check us out [email protected] glitterboys and also join us on the Breakfast Puppies network [email protected] and if you want to help us out, please spread the word and help us build a community. Thanks again for listening. We'll catch you next time. Oh, sorry, I see you were asking about the sound.

I'm sorry, the acoustics.

My brain was like, does Alex need me to open his can?

He's. I forgot how he has a functional.

Race open can npc.

All right, well, I'm gonna give that a circle.

Oh, that's the good stuff. See, that's the best part. The beer fuzz.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend forgot how cans work.

In his defense, he didn't judge at all. Just like, oh yeah, I'll open that for you.

Okay. We have another podcast that we have done in the past where there's usually a lot of drinking and it's in the name of the podcast and oftentimes there'll be like bottles that need to be opened and usually one person at the table might have the bottle open or so you get so used to somebody passing you a drink to open that as soon as I saw it it's like, wait a second, wait, this is the can.

My attempt at obvious pantomime failed.

Yeah. Yeah.

Otherwise whoever rolls highest on a 20 sided die will attack first. In the case of a tie, reroll initiative is rolled only once per melee round. That roll will turn the pace for the entire melee. 15 seconds. Step two. Attacker rolls to strike. The next step is for the attacker with his fish to roll a 20 sided die. If you don't have a fish, buy a fish. A result of four less counting bonuses. The attacker misses because there is no God. Any roll above a four will hit the opponent probably. Unless the defender can parry or dodge the attack. Hail Satan. STC body armor.

Probably worthless, but carry on.

Why is this section in here? We don't know. An armor rating AR only applies to STC armor, which you won't use, and combat, which you won't participate in. That's a save. That's a fail. That is a fail. So two of them. The thunder explodes. Right?

Oh, God. I thought that was a sound thing.

No, I was just.

You could. With him so easy now. Just.

No, I'm just kidding.

You bastard.

I owe you high, high, high quality scotch for that, sir.

He's gonna be. He's gonna be traumatized for at least the next two sessions, right? Once we figure out what's causing this and get it filled down, he's still going to be just on edge. Let me start over. The thunder booms out across this hilltop.