The Glitterbois Play Rifts #004: Lethal Tango

Breakfast Puppies.

This podcast contains adult language and content and is meant for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

I'm Gorshkov. You're listening to Glitter Boys. You have failed the Rodina.

Experience had said that she would try to introduce you to a wizard, one jovial Red in New Laszlo on the morrow. Well. Well, this doesn't happen and the four of you end up cooling your heels at Experiences House in New Laszlo for. For two days before a meeting is arranged. And if you guys have anything you want to be doing during that two days, we can handle it over the Discord. And by you guys, I mean specifically Jacob.

Noted, noted. I had a whole bunch of side projects I was going to be cramming.

Yeah, I figured, I figured. Yeah. So we can go through that stuff over the Discord if you would like.

Certainly, we'll do that. I assume that Bronson spends the next two days learning about the wonders of getting stoned.

I think Mr. Cat spends the next morning learning his very first hangover.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been a big learning curve. But on the 16th of April, in what you believe is the year 101, post apocalypse experience takes you, and I mean takes Henry, Troy, Riley, Mr. Cat and Bronson to a great mansion in the heart of New Laszlo that is called the hall of Hrolger Half Head. Why you're not told, but to you guys, it looks very much like a late 19th century mansion, similar to, say, the Vanderbilt door, columns, marble features, grandiose windows. The street facing facade has a broad door that's just open to the interior. And this is in the heart of the city, so it is not on some estate. It's just right in the midst of New Laszlo. And you, you walk up the steps and into this first grand chamber and you can smell lemon and hear a piano playing somewhere. Servants greet you and offer you water and hot towels. And these servants are wearing these elegant robes, but are otherwise clearly some sort of disembodied spirit. Because while they have clearly hands that can manipulate objects and hand you things and mouths that can speak, they're otherwise completely invisible.

Henry definitely tries to high five one of these disembodied hand ghosts that are very nice. Finds it really amusing.

Wait, so they're just hands?

No, no. So they're. They have clothes on, but they are. And they clearly have hands because they can manipulate objects, but their physical bodies are completely invisible. Okay, like they had you towels, you know, they bring you, you know, fresh pictures of water. And so they're manipulating objects, but they're invisible.

I was thinking like a floating towel with Mickey Mouse gloves.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

It's more like, like a floating, like, vest and pants. Hand you something.

Okay.

I will be smelling it.

Smells very much to Mr. Cat. Just like pure, unadulterated magic. So after a few moments to rest yourselves, they take you up to the second floor and into a room with rugs and curtains and lacquered wood smells where you meet Joe Red.

Riley's immediately looking for an ashtray.

One is hovering at your elbow. I will show you guys a picture here. Jovial Red, but also. Yeah, we'll describe him. He's wearing a red cape covered in stars and magical glyphs over purple robes. All sorts of medallions and talismans hang from chains around his neck. He's got a white beard, receding hairline, and big, thick black frames. And he stands as you enter with a smile, but something of a grim expression and kind of gestures around to the overstuffed chairs around this large table. You guys kind of sit down, put your drinks down. Eddie says, welcome. I'm Joe Red of new Laszlo and Experience. He gestures to experience. Tells me that you all have an interesting story.

Well, I would like it to be known that I am definitely not going to be sitting down. I am wandering, looking at everything, smelling everything, resisting the urge to knock things off of shelves.

Yeah. So out of a nearby door where Mr. Cat is near, one of the servants brings in a tray with steaming cups of hot tea, sets it on the table that everybody else is around. The table's a bit too far away, so Jerette snaps his fingers. The table, like, ambles forward a bit, says, please help yourselves.

What is on the table?

Nothing. Except the tea.

Oh, just the tea.

It's like a coffee table.

Oh, got it, got it.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I'll pour myself a cup of tea since I'm presuming that this is not a civilized human being. And he's offering us hot tea rather than iced tea.

Oh, it is definitely hot tea. Yeah. The pitcher is piping.

I'm now picturing this pitcher playing a tiny bag pipes.

That's right. Please make yourselves at home. And shall we begin at the beginning?

Yeah, man. Henry says, standing there because he assumes the chairs won't support his weight.

I'm looking for the tallest shelf that I think can support my weight.

So he gestures. Please sit down. I assure you the chairs are quite sturdy. I think you will find.

Henry pops a squat.

Yeah, the wood creeks, but Henry is supported.

So from the beginning, right?

Yeah. And you guys could just say, you tell him we don't have to go through it all since, you know, we all know what happened.

I'm. I like look over at you and kind of gesture for you to start telling the story.

Well, it all started one fateful night, like less than a week ago, feels like. Yeah. And you know, we met this guy Tarm, you know, kind of a little passage of time. Well, we met this guy. Guess his name was Tarmac. And we would have gotten to know him more, but we kind of killed him.

The crucifier.

Yeah.

Fast forward a little bit.

We met this guy who's gonna buy my talismans. But then we killed him.

Oh, your talisman.

Bronson killed him.

Yeah, I did. He was a bad man. I don't think Mark would be mad.

And we met a crazy doctor. We almost stole some weed. It's been a real trip.

We have a receipt.

Yes. Well, I'm glad you have a receipt. And you're from. From where was it?

Ohio, man. Cincinnati.

Mike's basement.

Year? Year of our Lord 1997.

Does anyone mind if I smoke?

Riley looks at the lit cigarette in his hand and looks at him and goes like. Shrugs.

Ah. So he takes out a, you know, a long pipe, starts packing it with tobacco. It's a very interesting tale. I have some spells I would like to cast to see what we could see. There would be no objections to this.

Cast your spells, man.

Well, very well. And then we'll have some questions for each of you, just to kind of ascertain reports of origin, the metaversal sense, the metaphysical. But for now, is there anything you would like to ask me before we begin? He puffs on the pipe a bit.

Riley has questions. But Riley is not asking of him though at this point is like. At this point, for all he knows, he's like one of those fucking consultants they kept dragging into the office to tell us about like, how to smooth flow process and the, you know, Mitsubishi method and shit.

Unfortunately, the talkative one could not make it tonight.

Yes, we are Shaunless.

Yeah, just, just, just wait until I get a read on this dude right now. He's a pretentious asshole.

Oh, he seems kind of like. I don't know, at least from the picture that you shared. He looks like one of those old men who both likes giving out Werther's originals, but also likes playing like tiny little innocent pranks on his grandchildren.

Yeah, that's why Riley does not like him.

I'm having a hard time because it's me in 20 years.

I mean, I specifically thought that. And was not gonna make that joke when I saw it on the discord.

Just longer beard and. Yeah, that's me.

Before he casts the spells, though, or as he starts casting his spells, I sort of materialize next to him again. I don't understand personal boundaries. So it's that, like, really, really, really close, leaning in and watching him cast the spells. Not because I think he's up to something, but because this is a new power that I. That Mr. Cat has never had before. So I am fascinated about taking in all of it. So.

Gotcha.

Pupils dilated.

Pupils dilated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got the whole opening the senses, like, give me more.

Well, I mean, it's better than you wandering around the room, spraying. Because he's casting spells.

Mine.

There are bathrooms for that, sir.

So he starts with. And he explains all this to you. Sense evil. He casts it on each of you specifically. Once he has concluded that none of you are generally diabolic or demons masquerading in mortal form, he moves on to see the invisible. Astral beings, entities, elements, ghosts, objects, forces and creatures that might be invisible or naturally visible, known to you or otherwise. This results in no effect. The next thing he casts is sense magic. So he casts sense magic and closes his eyes. Holds out his hands as if he's feeling like some mystic thread that no one can see but him.

I want to try and feel it, too. Like catw. Reach. Reach out. Paw at the air.

Yeah, it's just air, as far as you can tell. But he. He. He has his eyes closed that he, you know, cracks one open looking at Riley, and he says, ooh, you have the gift.

Of course, you know, this sorta experience said I was. Experience also said the same thing. Said she thought I was a techno wizard. Yes, I mean, she's right in concept. I understand that. It's the details. I'm a little haz.

Hmm. As well as I. I'm more of a conventional practitioner. There are many here that could hate you in our fair city, you know. He looks at Mr. Cat. You are. You are as you appear. Bronson. He just pats Bronson.

Bronson is also as he appears, very much so.

To which Bronson replies, oh, thank you.

I like you too, wizard. You smelled nice.

Thank you.

And then he looks at Henry. Hmm. I did not think to detect such emanations from you, my friend. So foul ones. You seem so benign.

Those are some mighty big words, man. Are you saying I'm cool or am I not cool?

I'm saying there is arcane power lurking within your chassis.

Oh, are you talking about these? And I kind of opened my side panel and like a couple of talismans spill out onto the floor.

Yes, that would be those. Could you put those on the table, please?

Oh, you got it, dude. Henry does.

So where did you acquire these items?

Oh, back earlier in my story where we killed our first dude.

Yeah, it's Tarmac the Crucifier. Yeah, see, Alex, you could hear in the back of your head just soft cursing in Russian that you suspect no one else hears and Jovi Roses. Well, have you formed any attachment to these items? Have you wielded them?

My attachment to them is how badly I want to sell them for other things. I don't know what they do.

Ah, I see. Well, I would recommend disposal.

Does that disposal come with some coin? Rub some metallic fingers together?

Well, I suppose that that might be possible, but these are such iniquitous providence that I.

Five dollar words, man. I don't know what you mean.

These are pure evil.

Oh.

Oh.

So he picks up one of them. It's this jagged, blackened spike wrapped in flayed leather straps. This is a nail of dominion forged from iron nails used in ritual executions during the Devouring wars. Each was driven into a traitor who begged to be loyal again.

Oh, could I see that for a sec?

You may not. He picks up another one. Ah, the cruciform womb. It's a small iron cross engraved with, as you look more closely, screaming faces as for a moment it leaks this speed of ichor that drops to the table and evaporates instantly. Grown not forged from the flesh of a defeated godling and tempered in the blood of 50 martyrs. All powerful.

These all kind of look like the things that that one player who showed up that one time and never came back again. Damian. The kind of stuff that he wore. Oh, yeah, yeah, the Hot Topic Mall Goth.

Whoa. I just thought it was a lowercase.

T. I suppose I could pay you for them if you insist upon compensation.

I tell you what, man. Now that I know that they're totally evil, and now that they're totally out of my leg, my thigh box. Can you like, make sure I don't got any residue in there? I shall take turn my hip. Expose my.

Yes. After all, it's not every day. And he holds up one and it looks like this cracked obsidian eye.

Wait a minute.

Fixed to a chain of alien bony. Says it's not every day one walks around with the eye of the starless maul inside the hip.

Wait A minute, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. The Borg just gave the wizard a.

Little bit of thigh.

I don't know if you know this, but I've got a lot of bit of thigh. The compartment. That's small, medium.

So he goes to one of the shelves that was too narrow for Mr. Cat to sit on and, you know, takes this lead box, walks it over the table, puts it down, opens it, and there's tongs in it. And he picks these up with tongs and puts them in the box and seals them. Later, cleansing ritual might be conducted, but I think you're all right.

Okay. Okay.

So nominally inorganic form likely offered some protection.

Sweet. I love it when things go nominally. If you could see his face, it would be confused.

So in your. So you hear Gordon say, this is Will Velya. I mean, Henry. Those were foul.

Yeah, man. I don't want to be holding on to no nails of big problems.

Yes, his big problem. It's good.

Super sorrows.

With these as jovial later terms of blasphemous anomalies out of the way, he goes ahead and casts the aura on each of you individually, looks at you for a moment. And so this process, this does take hours. While you guys are in this room, the servants bring you lunch. As the hours growing late, the sun is beginning to set. He says, if you could return tomorrow, we'll begin with words of truth. Leave a private session with each of you.

I guess we got nothing better going on.

Excellent.

Sounds good, bro.

So he bids you a good evening. He leaves. The servants are there to show you out. Now, if you guys don't have anything in particular you want to pursue the evening hours, we can cut straight to the next day. But if there's some errand you want to run or mischief, I do kind.

Of want to establish whether that's something that happened over the two days that we waited to meet Joe Red. Or rather, it happened this evening. So basically, we haven't talked about Henry and smoking yet. Henry and Bronson, because Bronson got in on the weed at this point.

Right.

It's been established that he started smoking. So we naturally want to share that experience, to basically fast forward over the concept, thinking that Henry has come to realize that while his lungs do function, his brain is not the same as it once was. And that's part of the equation. And he's found, much to his sorrow and chagrin, that while it still tastes good, like it's some sticky icky, it doesn't do anything for him. And it's devastating. And he doesn't know how to tell anybody. Cause it's like that's part of his thing, that's part of his jive. So he's.

Here's the question. Do you ever sleep? I mean technically you have a brain, so theoretically you probably need to pull some REM cycles in there for just offloading.

Okay, sure. Not to say my brain is totally gone, but the idea I'm running with is that he finds that weed does not actually get him high anymore. And so he is pretending and grappling with this weird thing that was both his identity and his escape.

So Riley being the unprincipled fuck he is, whenever in the middle of the night he notices Henry's sleeping, he's jacking in with the laptop he bought and pulling code down for the long term project of computerizing, getting high for Henry and working his way through trying to figure out Riff's code.

Gotcha.

We definitely figured that out because I was in the shop when he did your language mod swap and I was paying very close attention for this specific reason.

Very nice. So the long term thing of this is I needed to figure out how to incorporate my. I forget what it's called off the top of my head, but my death wish. And it's an identity loss, like turning into a giant robot with like, you know, 3% of your.3 to 5% of your flesh left. You know, that's one thing. But I can't get high anymore. So that's something he's grappling with. That's all I wanted to lay out there.

No, I think that's very worthwhile.

Yeah, absolutely.

I am totally fine with fast forwarding.

Yeah, yeah, totally fine with fast forwarding. I do assume that I'm going to have to come up with to some understanding with his AI regarding what the fuck I'm doing, but we'll handle that offline.

Yeah, yeah, it probably chimed in the first time.

Yeah, it would have definitely. Gorshkov definitely would have been like very interested in what this was about.

There's a text exchange that starts with look, commie bastard.

So the next day you guys return. It's a similar sort of ritual. You go through the servants meet you at the door, you go upstairs, you have tea, he talks with you for a moment. Then one by one you go off to a. A dark room with no windows and he casts words of truth and questions you thoroughly and exhaustively. This takes place over the next five days. You're questioned one at a time and he asks Just obvious questions, you know, about your family, friends, your history. And then innocuous stuff. What was your favorite? Orange soda? Did you like the sound of the wind if it blew through trees? Like stuff that you think is just kind of weird. Now, what I need to know is, at any point through the questioning, is anyone deceptive or false?

I am certainly not. In fact, you said it was like a maddening experience. I'll bet he is pretty maddened by his experience chatting with me.

So it turns out that Riley dissembles quite regularly.

Shocker.

Very rarely. Flat out lies, but dissembles, like constantly. Yeah, mostly around, like, not flat out saying someone's. He thinks someone's an asshole, but, you know, it's. That's the general tone.

Okay.

Yeah. And Henry's honest, but, you know, honest to a fault, but a little scatterbrained. Had to get him back on track a couple times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Well, that's. That's certainly reasonable. As long as you're not outright lying.

Only about not being able to get high.

Funnily enough, he does not ask Henry anything about weed.

Stands to reason.

Gotta be a pretty short conversation then.

Yeah. So on the 20th of April, you all return to the house, you go through the same thing. You meet the servants, you go upstairs, you have to eat. He says, well, I've come to the conclusion that you are not demons.

Righteous.

Someone gonna make the Treebeard reference so I don't have to.

Go right ahead.

I'm a cat. They've never seen Lord of the Rings.

It isn't out yet.

Yeah, never seen it.

And that one is in the books?

Actually, no, no, no. It does. Yeah, the whole you are not orc thing, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not. There's a couple major Treebeard lines that aren't in the book. My wife is screaming at me from 20 miles away.

So what I can tell you if you're not ghosts or demigods, but the potent power has left its fingerprints all over you. You are touched by something great and dangerous. What it was, I cannot say. I have two options for you. To the east of here, beyond the river, beyond the ruins of Old Detroit Windsor, there is a shaman, Nokobis is her name. She has a relationship with many spirits that might have insight magics that I do not practice. It's a dangerous journey, but you should seek her out. I think she might be quite elucidative. The other option is to simply return to your home. I don't know where this Cincinnati lies, but I'm sure you do. And should you locate its ruins, given that you're temporally displaced beings, simply returning to your geographic point of origin might be enough to involuntarily rift you back to where you should be. Or it could rip your souls out and tether your beings to hell for all eternity.

I was gonna say it sounds like.

A pretty big might, but I think it probably be fine. Maybe.

So option one then, right?

I mean, going home sounds great, maybe.

But that's his maybe, not mine.

I, for one, have no desire to return to the basement. This is a massive open world for me to explore, to conquer, to. To.

To.

To see new heights of experience.

So we're all in agreement, we're skipping the getting our souls ripped out of our body and thrown to hell, correct?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Just wanted to make sure it's counter to our interest.

Just a slight possibility. It's unlikely.

And guys, what if Mike's still here? We don't want to leave him.

The whole concept, like the mentioning of souls ripped out, sucked to hell. I get these flashbacks to reading the armor and reading the knife and basically that unnamed dead man experiencing that as well. And. No, no, sir, don't. I have. No. No, no. Shudder. Not for me.

So jovial tells you that if you want to continue the exploration of. Of. Of what may be going on, seek out. No. She's an Odawa. Medicine woman of the Naps. Odawa. They live on an island due south of Old Detroit. Windsor. Should you go that way, I. I would recommend a guide. The ruins can be quite dangerous. There's many things that survived from the ancient world. Can be.

Well, what are you doing this afternoon?

Well, unfortunately, dear Henry, I have many obligations. Not least of which is my post on the new council.

Okay, the new council. Excuse us, we're not exactly up on local politics. Could you like, fill us in?

Well, primary governing body here, New Laszlo, it's myself and nine other arch magi. Each represent a different city precinct, and we meet and debate the issues of the day.

How does one join this council?

Well, first you would need to be a potent practitioner of the arcane.

That's very. Exclusionist.

Yes, quite.

Bronson, take note.

I will. Mr. Cat. These people have rules.

Riley starts looking real nervously at Mr. Cat. Before we head that way, I. I was kind of hoping you could do me a square.

See what I can do.

Would you happen to know a halfway competent techno wizard around here?

Indeed. A number of them, I believe. Experience tends to introduce you to Mr. Zane.

Oh, well, I mean, she mentioned she might be able to, but hey, that sounds good to me.

Oh, I believe they are fast friends.

Well, thank you.

You're welcome. May your journey into the arcane it would have experience and success.

Well, I don't know if she's coming with us or not.

Ah, well, touche. Henry. I don't get it.

It's all right, man. I pop him a bacon.

Oh, these are delicious.

I'm gonna have to put a smoker in the back of the Mountaineer to keep you two going, aren't I?

I might be able to make one fit in my thigh.

That sounds like a fantastic idea. I mean, techno wizard smoker.

Even without the techno wizardly wizardry, Riley has all the skills. If you just get him a tig welder and some scrap iron and a 55 gallon barrel. It's happening.

So that is what Jovial Reed. You know, he explains. He. He doesn't know what else to do. He. He. He's exhausted his magical means of investigation and you need a different art to.

Proceed further before we go. I don't think we ever established. And thus I was hoping to ask him. I've got this green cloak with a rune on it that I'm wearing. Makes me look really cool. A big robot with a cloak. Who doesn't love that?

Ah, yes.

Is there anything. Did you ever figure out? You didn't say my rune on my cloak was evil. Does this do anything?

No, no. This is a. Well, it's an apocalypse cloak. I would.

So it's more of a. More of a brooch than a rune on this cloak.

Okay.

Oh, I see the runes on the pattern of the cloak. Not a.

Though it should ward off water mud radiation. Quite useful in the apocalypse.

I don't want any mud in my gears. You got me.

There you go.

Thank you.

Very simple to identify.

Yeah, the movie was out. Yet Riley is toying around with the idea of changing your voice modulator to make you talk like Andre the Giant now. Oh boy.

Anybody want a peanut before we leave town? I do want to find some time to have a chat. At least with experience. Regarding the armor.

The evil armor.

The evil armor and the person trapped inside of it. More specifically. Oh, his words of being having your soul ripped out and sent to hell kind of reminded me of that in a way that is unpleasant. And I had a chat with a pretty cool guy who's in my knife and he seems okay with it, but I get the feeling the other guy isn't okay with it. And concepts of eternal slavery are just generally uncool. With Mr. Cat.

It's valid. That's valid.

But what if you were enslaved to Mr. Cat?

No, no, no, no, no.

He's that sort of cat.

I want people to worship me, but I want them to worship me because they worship me.

Yes. Yeah, that's definitely something. If you don't want to broach it with Red, you can definitely talk to Experience about it.

Yeah, we don't necessarily have to do that now because we're currently with Red, but I just. It just came to mind that I wanted to make sure we do it before we leave town.

Gotcha.

Yeah, we got a kind of a list of things to do before we.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, I figured you guys were not going to sprint off into the wilderness. Yeah.

One, weld smoker. Two find. Have your conversation with experience. Three, apparently pick up more weed for Bronson.

Four, kill Hitler.

Four, find a techno wizard.

Five, find a guide.

Weld together smoker. Six. I need to find more cigarettes. I'm rationing out this pack as hard as I can. And it's getting serious. You all have been dealing with Riley having Nick fits.

So if you have nothing else, you depart the hall of Rolgre. Half head. It's about. It's the middle of the day. Make your way back to experiences home, which is not terribly far away as things go in New Lazlo. So it's an easy walk through the streets. And yeah, you guys can do whatever you want now. The floor is yours.

Well, then I will find her.

As will I.

But I just want her to point me in this direction of the Zane fellow because I need to have a conversation and that'll get me off screen. So you can have whatever conversation you want.

Yeah, you guys find experience. She's in the backyard of her house in the garden, gloves on, little mud on her face, working with her plants. Oh, hello, boys. How did it go?

Riley looks really nonplussed and he does not want to answer that conversation.

We're not demons.

Oh, good.

I'm gonna find the nearest plant and maybe start digging it up.

Oh, hey, now get out of my roses. I've already had to discipline Bronson. I will give you something productive to do.

He leans over to Experience and goes, I've heard a spray bottle works real well.

I wouldn't do that to Mr. Cat. He is a noble creature.

Yes, do go on.

Who does not dig the wrong roses because he is so noble and honorable.

I see what you're doing and it's working.

Yeah. So if you ask her about Zane, she will direct you to a bakery called Lustful Flowers. And she gives you directions to get there. Lustful Flowers, spelled F, L, O, U.

R, S. Oh, lovely.

Yeah, I just. Where can I find this Zane fella?

Lustful Flowers at a bakery? Yeah, it's his bakery. He should be there.

You're sure? He's a techno wizard.

She puts her hand on your shoulder. Riley, you're a very, very smart man. But you've been in this world for very short time. She claps you on the cheek, a little bit of mud on your face. He's a techno wizard.

All right, I'll take your word for it.

Thank you.

Give me directions to Lustful Flowers and I wander off, stopping at any purveyor that may have cigarettes.

Yeah, as he walks off, she goes. Dead is at 6.

Riley does the like walking away. Doesn't even look back. Waves over his shoulder.

Yeah, yeah. She. She goes over to Bronson and like, Bronson, I need you to go dig up this part of the garden over here. And he just, you know, charges off to do it. She sends Troy out on an errand. And then she looks at Henry and Mr. Cat. Well, what about you two?

You got any heavy stuff you need lifted?

No, but there's a blacksmith about a block that way.

Okay. If he needs some heavy stuff lifted.

I can help, I assume.

So I start heading that way. What about you, Mr. Cat?

I am okay, in the garden for now, thank you.

You got it. I stomp my way slowly towards the blacksmith.

Thump, thump, thump. And then she looks at Mr. Cat. What's on your mind, Mr. Cat?

Kind of meander in her direction. That little slow saunter that cats do when they're trying to decide whether or not they want to sit on your lap or they're just going to make you think they're going to sit on your lap. And then you try and position yourself to get them to come closer. And then they change their mind and walk away. During that slow walk over.

What do.

You know of eternal damnation? And I say this with like an extremely menacing look on my face, because that's the only face I have.

Her eyes widen. Well, not too terribly much. It's something I think most people would want to avoid.

What do you know of things like this? And I hold up the dagger. Things that have people in them.

Fair Mount Fairmount. What do you know of that dagger, Mr. Cat?

We've had a chat.

A good one.

I think we're cool oh, good.

Excellent. Yes, that is a rune weapon. And she goes on to explain something about rune weapons. As much as she knows, which wouldn't necessarily be everything that you might find in a rift source book, but it's pretty significant amount of knowledge.

Then what do you remember of the day we vanquished Mr. Morrow and his puppet?

Yes, the. The armored creature. The ion Zombie.

Yeah. Yes, that thing. Did you spend much time with it?

No, but I am aware of what they are.

I mean, clearly I am too, but just to refresh me.

So she's digging in her garden, moving, picking out small stones, you know, planting, like things. Moving things from one pot to soil. Well, it's dark magic. Different from rune weapons. Bio wizardry, I believe that is called. But they trap a soul. Well, the body of the zombie, as it were, into the armor. This fills it with great, terrible power. Condition of the soul in this existence, I cannot imagine. I would say it is, as you alluded earlier, some sort of eternal torment. It could not be pleasant.

There is a man in that armor. A Spaniard. Oh, well, I do not believe he belongs there.

No. He was speaking Spanish. Yes, it's unusual. I did not realize the creatures could speak.

I am not referring to the dead thing. I'm referring to the soul within the armor.

Currently.

The man who was captured and thrown into the pits of hell and then had his soul ripped from his body, placed in here again. Like I said, eternal damnation.

I see. Well, you have some peculiar abilities, Mr. Cat.

Thank you.

But I would say your Spanish speaker was most likely from Mexico rather than Spain.

Is it the same thing? Right.

Yeah. They are not the same thing.

Okay.

Cats don't know from geography.

Yeah, yeah. We have heard only rumors, but there is a dark power in the Yucatan that crafts these sorts of terrible weapons.

What can be done for him?

I'm not sure. I suppose there must be some means by which to break the armor and so release him to whatever awaits him in the next life. But how? I don't know. I. There are people I can ask. Hmm.

If he cannot be removed from the armor, what if he were to be offered some kind of retirement?

Well, I'm not certain we could even communicate with him. But As I said, Mr. Cat, I will. I will ask. There's someone with a great deal of knowledge that I can confide in, but it will take some time.

So be it.

I just leave.

Meanwhile, not too terribly far away, Riley is walking up to the outside of a three story building set amidst the fairly traditional block. The top floors look like apartments. You can see potted plants and laundry. The main floor is Lustful Flowers which has this big sign out front and you can see through the windows. It is clearly a bakery. In the back you could see a huge kitchen and oven and a counter. People lined up buying bread and pastries. Display case full of all sorts of treats. Working there you see large round fellow, late middle aged in an apron covered in dust and flour. What would you like to do, Jake?

I'm going to walk into the bakery smoking wait my turn to get up to the counter and go can I get a croissant? And I'm looking for Zane first at the counter.

Turns around says Zane they give you croissant. And Zane comes out of the kitchen. He walks around. Oh waiter, how's it going?

Oh my God, he's a Wisconsinite. I look him up and down and go my name's Riley. Experience said I should come talk to you.

Oh yeah. Hey, how you doing? He gives you a big handshake. Oh Jesus. And says oh come on come here. I got stuff to show you in the back.

Oh no, he's from the iron range. This is getting worse.

He takes you to the back. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. So you're button techno wizard. That's what Experience said. Said I show you the ropes around here. A bakery. Oh well it's not just any bakery. So the you know you look around and similar to some kitchens you've seen everything seems to be fully functional. Appliances that are not connected to any sort of power lines have strange sort of gems at odd places, weird wiring. Oh no. I built everything in here. That's, that's really my primary business. I get a full shop and about back I I just something about stoves. You know I just have a real knack for it to bakery. I just got to keep these running. Yeah well and who doesn't love a good baked good? Am I right? Yep. You know what I'm working on? It's a fryer because donuts and the God.

So Zane sees something that like no one's seen on Riley's face since he hit earth and that's kind of like happiness. You can make donuts.

Well, I'm working on it. You'd be surprised. It's kind of tricky making a deep fryer because what I want to grease I want it to be self circulating and self cleaning. But yeah I think I've got. Let me show you what I'm working on. Come here. And he takes you out of the kitchen of the bakery. You guys Go out a back door, you know, the swing and screech and across a small yard to a big metal shop. You go in tons of advanced machine tools that you recognize and lots of magical ones you don't. And bubbling away in the middle is a huge deep fryer. Tended to. Why? What by what you could only think about as a bipedal stocky anteater. And ze goes, oh, this is my apprentice, Albrecht. Albrecht, how the donuts cabin and the anteater. DB whistles something you don't recognize. He spoons out of the hot grease a perfectly round just piping hot donut.

Is that a donut hole?

Oh, I got some of those. And puts it on a workbench with others, lays it on wax paper, dusts it with flour or dusted with sugar. Excuse me. You want to try one? To be perfectly honest, I've been eating these all morning.

I would love to. And while I'm munching it, I'm looking at the fryer.

Yeah.

And I go, I look over at and go. So like I'll be honest. Apparently I am a techno wizard. And other than like the theoretical. We channel magic through items and create items. That's as far as my understanding of this goes. However, this deep fryer, if we use the oil recirculator methodology that they have had in the M1 Abrams tank, I think think we might be able to get the evening even flow you're looking for. I think the problem is you have a constriction in the coil right here. And he starts rambling off on a how to recirculate and temperature control an oil.

Albert, get a pen, make a note. Yeah. He starts grabbing tools and like. Yeah, keep going.

Yeah.

And what an M1 Abrams tank is.

But old, old, old school main battle tank. Worry about it anyways, it uses a compound dual coil recirculator. And we just go into technobabble for the next however because I've met someone who's weirdly on the same wavelength I am.

Yeah, yeah. So when you look up from you guys working on this fryer and you guys finally got it right, it is this self circulating. Add one batch of grease and you're good forever. It's dark outside, the stars are out. Albrecht, the anteater humanoid is curled up on a table covered in a blanket, asleep. And you may be entering sugar coma.

I would have it no other way.

Tell you what, there's a place not far down the road they serve hash and steaks. Oh well, and beer. But I just assumed that Was implied.

Kyle, you broke Jacob. You get some xp.

But anyway, I'll meet you there for breakfast.

Yeah, absolutely. And obviously I missed dinner and experiences.

Could be tweeted, but, yeah, so he says, oh, here, you can have this. And he goes over and he takes this book and it's like Techno Wizardry for Beginners.

Perfect.

You know, and it's clearly got scribbling in the margins and doodles. You take this and you're going to be well on your way. I think you're going to be a natural.

Could I ask. Not right now. Because you got things to do. I got things to do, but I'm.

Going to go to bed.

Oh, yeah. Could I ask a favor? Like, tomorrow?

Oh, sure, pal.

Yeah, I'd love to meet you for breakfast and talk more. You're setting off my accent, damn it.

Oh, sorry.

And I was wondering if you would mind if I borrowed your line feed welder.

No, that's fine. I got two.

Oh, thanks. I just have a small project I want to put together. Nothing fancy. I just want to install a smoker in my mountaineer.

Well, that's awesome.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Good luck, pal.

So I go home, practically rolling with the number of test donuts we ate.

It's okay.

I will help you lift that. The welder.

Yeah.

Remember, I can find you anywhere.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. So that night, you guys all get back to Experiences house. Henry spent the day just getting loaned out to various machine shops and smithies to move heavy things.

Awesome.

And comes home with sack full of credits.

Sweet.

How many credits?

75. 75.

All right.

Different. Yeah. Working here and there piecemeal through the day.

Credits in the bank.

It's, you know, it's late at night. Experience has already gone to sleep. Dinner was left out, you know, covered in the pots, covered with towels.

Oh, no. I was 100% on time for dinner. Just. Just for the record. Yes.

Oh, I assumed. I just reading again.

Whereas I come home and go, oh, well, I guess that's nice. I can't eat.

So the three of you are in the kitchen and you hear this banging and crashing from the front of the house. And you hear, let go of me. What are you doing? Get in there, little man. I'll whip your face off. Get in there.

Good boy.

What are you doing? I don't even know you. And pushed into the room with the rest of you, of course, is Bronson. And this creature, small, green man. He has big, bulbous eyes. He's wearing a Cincinnati Bengals jersey, shorts and sneakers. The tentacles on his Face, hang down. He is covered in dog slobber and is variously being hauled and pushed by Bronson.

This guy really looks like he has a message about diabetes.

I found the small green man. Let me go, you mangy mutt.

Whoa.

Bronson. What's up with this guy?

Mr. Cat quickly realizes why Bronson has this small creature. And it's because this creature smells like Mike.

It's the shirt.

Mmm. It is indeed the shirt.

Okay, he's a small creature.

Yep.

About how big?

Yeah, he's about three feet tall.

Great.

I pick him up by the neck, hold him up against the wall effortlessly.

Aw. Dogs and cats are working together.

Lean in close. I'm not gonna straighten. I'm not choking him or anything. I'm just picking him up and holding him up. Yeah, yeah, because I don't feel like bending down. I want to smell the shirt.

I mean, it definitely smells exactly like Mike and Mike's house. Specifically.

I'm going to turn him around and see if this shirt has those three little holes where. When Mike was wearing this shirt and I wasn't asleep and I reached out and I accidentally poked holes in it.

He's like, get off my lap.

And I went, meow and ran away.

It does.

I turn and look at the other two. Sorry, three. Bronson, you're part of the team now.

Thank you, Mr. Cat.

I look at all three of them. This is Mike's shirt.

Whoa. You're right.

I look at the little green guy. I'll make you a deal.

Okay, pal? Are you the ringleader of this circus?

I'll make you a deal. You tell me where you got that shirt, and I'll give you a cigarette. You don't tell me where you got that shirt, I'll let Mr. Cat there find out where you got that shirt.

Well, lucky for you, I'm a smoker and I'm afraid of cats.

I agree. That son of scares the out of me on a regular basis. Says it just right in front of Mr. Cat. No.

Yes.

I don't think.

I think we strap him down and get real medieval. I'll get a claw hammer.

I will not look down at him. Not approvingly. His methods are crude, but improving.

I pull out one of my last cigarettes and offer it to the small green man. As soon as Cat sets him down.

Yeah. He takes. Look, look. No, you don't got to torture me. Look, I found it.

Where?

In the, you know, upper grid.

I'm new to town. Explain it slowly.

He takes a cigarette, takes a big. A broken grid. No, not the depths of Old Detroit. Which you guys. You look like adventurers.

We are from Cincinnati.

Hey buddy, I got this medium sized thigh compartment. You want to see if you can fit inside of it?

I don't.

They should probably answer our questions a little clearer.

I found it in the upper grid. I was just in a pile of junk. I thought it looked cool.

It's in remarkably good condition.

Yeah, I thought it looked cool. I needed a shirt. It was a shirt. It was lots of other stuff, but yeah, I mean, I didn't spend a lot of time there. It's the broken grid, you know.

Tell us about the corpse you pulled it off of.

Corpse? Putting a corpse. Just a pile of clothes and books. Tv.

Don't think he's loud.

Random stuff.

I don't suppose. I don't suppose you remember. Can you read?

Of course I can. Sort of.

I don't suppose you remember the title in any of the books.

Look, man, it was dark. Not a lot of lights down there. Just the thing's orange. I could see that.

I hold up another cigarette.

Look, No, I. I don't remember the title. Look, there was a lot going on.

I pat my thigh again.

Look, the broken grid is a very dangerous place. I was not down there on a sightseeing tour.

Fair enough.

I look over at Riley. I need this shirt.

Oh yeah?

How much you want for the shirt?

How much you got?

I got a thigh compartment on the borg.

I take 10 credits. That sounds very reasonable.

I peel off 20 and hand them over.

Oh, thanks. Look, if you guys like junk like.

This, do you need a receipt?

What? No, I don't need a receipt. What have I.

What am I, a weed shop?

But look, I could take you guys straight to the pile where I found this if you like this kind of old junk.

You staying around here?

I live here. Well, not in this house. I've never been here. Nice place, by the way.

Thank you.

But I live down away. Dromedary Bocephus is my name.

What?

Dromedary Bocephus.

Folks call me Drum.

Nice to meet you, Drum.

Nice to meet you, giant cyborg.

So what's your going rate? Is a guide out there?

Well, for just gonna go to like the upper grid where I found this, which is not too far easy. One grand.

Well, I'm going to lean in real close and rub my cheek on him. Take a deep whiff. My eyes are open the whole time looking in his as I'm doing this. You know I can find you anywhere.

Yeah, I mean, okay, just so you Know.

Thank you.

Shirt, please.

Okay. Yeah. He peels the shirt off.

Okay. I just leave.

Oh, that guy is terrifying.

Yeah, a little bit. A lot of it.

But anyway, if you guys want to go into the broken grid, I'm your guy.

You're going to be in town for the next couple days.

Yeah, yeah, no, I got none. I got no other jobs coming up. This got this one on the last job, so.

Yeah, I don't mean to pry, sure. But why were you up in the grid anyway?

Ah, yeah, folks like to go up there, you know, people like you looking for treasure, stuff like that. Lost tech, they need a guide. And I know my way around a little bit. I also know how to get out alive. It's very important.

I would generally agree that's the way to go.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't do ghosts. Vampires. The things that whisper your name at night. You want crazy, you hire stitches.

Whose Stitches?

He's a crazy man.

I think we got one of those already.

Yeah, you don't need two.

What's his going rate?

I mean, I think that there's like a post credit scene where he's asleep and a cat climbs in his window. Trauma, Terry.

Yeah, look, stitches. He'll take you anywhere you want to go on a grid, lower grid, upper grid, but have people to go with Stitches don't come back.

I hand them the. I hand them the second cigarette I had been holding up before and go ahead. Thanks for the tip.

Yeah. You guys don't want to go tonight though, right?

Oh, no, we got stuff. We got some business over the next couple days.

Okay.

I got breakfast.

You don't want to be in the grid at night. It's bad.

Do we need to go after Mr. Cat?

I'm just in the next room. Okay.

I wouldn't be surprised if we were to walk in and find him doing the pawpaw thing on the shirt that said I wouldn't want to see that. So I'm not doing that. More of the point. I'm more afraid of what Mr. Cat's reaction to us walking in on that would be. Now that he's eight foot tall and ripped, it's nighttime.

So I assume like the most frantic zoomies just tearing around the room.

As long as you make sure that none of your clothes are like super, super soft, you don't have to worry about it. But if you wear something super soft, like a big furry coat, those biscuits are gonna happen and you are not going to like them.

The irony, majority of my skin is metal, but I'm Just wearing a crappy travel cloak.

Yep.

Well, unless anyone has anything else, I. I'm gonna crash. I have an early breakfast tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm gonna pile in a corner and resume my late night talks with Gorshkov.

Thank you.

I want to object read the shirt.

Oh, smart move.

All right, cool. Object. Read the psychic power. What page?

Oh, I've got it on my. You know, I. I should have had my sheet handy for this. It is page 174. Ultimate Edition.

Okay. Yes, yes.

All right, we'll roll. I'm gonna go with. This is gonna be one of those situations where ultimately I'm putting trust in the game master because it talks about the current and previous owner. And I'm hoping I can channel through the most recent owner to the previous previous owner. Like, if there's a way to like focus my senses. One owner pass or something. Because I don't really care about how this guy got it. I'm. I'm trying to get images of maybe the first donor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you could do that.

Yeah. Okay. Roll, roll, roll, roll in my skill. Okay, 50. I got a 58% for impressions of the last owner. 26. So that's a success for impressions images. 08. So I succeeded in that one and I am going to spend the additional to get present and I have a 40% chance of that. So present the present of whatever.

Oh, okay.

I did not succeed at that. So I'm going to spend a heroism and reroll that one. That is much, but that is an 01. Oh, very, very well. It was a 51 and now it is an 01.

Okay, so let's go from impressions to images to present. Okay, Mr. Cat, focus, you know, curls up around the shirt, smells it deeply, and begins to get a series of sensory impressions, images. Obviously, the object's purpose is clear. It's close. There's no wisp of magic other than that which is still clinging to it from however it got to its current plane of existence. The general alignment of its last owner is impossible to discern. General state of mind resolved, or at least when this item was in his possession. Images. The most significant image you get that you don't recognize. Like, clearly there's images of Mike wearing it around his house, going to football games. The most significant image of it, though, is it is in this big whirlwind of materials in Mike's house. Flying through the house in this maelstrom of energy, and it's yanked through some rift along with much the rest of what you recognize as Mike's possessions and the house. And then it, you know, lands in cold water. And the next significant event is it being pulled out by this green hand, which you assume is dromedary. When Mr. Cat tries to focus in and see and feel the last owner, Mike, as he is at that very moment, he gets the impression of Mike is in a dark room that you have no particular sense of. He's calm, dressed in clothes that Mr. Cat wouldn't really recognize, and he's studying some sort of manuscript. And it's just the nearest glimpse of this. And then he comes out of this meditative trance.

Bronson.

Yes, Mr. Cat.

I hand him the shirt.

Oh, thank you.

It is yours now.

I will treasure it. I could wear it.

You can.

I would just like. I would just like Mike.

You will be.

Souls like he's here. I'm gonna go write my dream journal.

Noted.

And Bronson runs off before I turn.

In for the night. I'm sitting on the couch smoking and reading the Techno Wizardry for Beginners book.

Well, it. It begins to answer a lot of questions that you've had over the past week. So you guys go to bed or in you know, Henry's case, start talking to Gorshkov.

Yep.

Gorshkov even talked for a moment and he says, hid. What is your intention of the future?

I mean, apparently now I'm big and strong, so like I could actually help my friends instead of just kinda being there. So lift heavy things, defend my friends, find Mike. Those are my intentions and I guess figure out how all this works.

Who is Mike? Who is this is this great warrior?

Oh, buddy. He's what you might call a comrade.

Comrade?

Close comrade even. I see good friend of ours, he's missing.

What would you. What's happened to Mike?

Well, I launched into the same story that I told Red earlier about how, oh, we. We got transported and then we killed the guy and we killed the guy catching up. And so yeah, basically Mike's were the. Mike's the only one of us that didn't land in the same place when we got here.

Gotcha. So he is behind enemy lines, so to speak. Lost comrade in beetle.

Yeah, exactly.

You must go for him.

That's what I'm thinking, yes. How can you help me figure this battle body out so I can help find Mike better and help defend my friends better?

I can help, yes. But the primary cybernetic control is task your central cerebral cortex. Weak, empathetic though it might be.

Yeah, totally what you said. Yeah, again, behind the faceplate, Henry's brow, which still exists. Furrows which I don't know if Gorshkov can detect or not. Like micro facial expressions, but yeah.

So where did you undergo combat training?

You know, couple years making and delivering pizzas. You know, that'll get you some battle training, but that's about it. High school sucked. You could call that battle training. Am I right, Gorshkov?

What is this? What is. What is. What is going on now?

Oh, it's called pal. And around pal we're making.

Care for this.

Gorski. Yeah, we gotta. You know, we're like Tango and Cash.

We're like Tangled Kish.

Yeah, pretty sure that came up for 97.

Yes.

Cool.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Like, Mike did not, so I couldn't make that reference.

What is Tangled Cache? You use so many strange words.

Oh, yeah, they probably didn't have that over there. Henry goes on to give a detailed explanation of Tango and Cash, which metagaming. Personally, the only thing I remember is that Mel Gibson was in it and somebody else, and I might be wrong.

On that, it was Sylvester Stallone and Patrick Swayze, right?

No, no, no, but that's fine. You still tell it as a male Gibson.

Clearly. Definitely better.

Yeah, yeah, clearly he meant Lethal Weapon, but he's remembering. Take good Cash.

Wait, so Black Detective is too old for shit is what you are saying?

Yeah, yeah, Cash was too old for that shit.

So I am Danny Glover and you are Mel Gibson in Tangled Cash.

Yeah, exactly, man. And we're. We're a mismatch at first, but then we're going to come together. Ying and Yang, Tango and Cash.

We've named this episode.

I don't understand why money is in this. This tangle. What is. Was your money Rope?

Would it make more sense if I called it Tango and Rubles?

No.

Oh, shit.

Well.

It'S about. It's about brotherhood, man. Despite your differences, you find a common foe, you come together.

Did they kill many men?

Oh, yeah. There was this whole scene. Oh, man. Again, describing the plot of Lethal Weapon, but calling it Tango and Cash. The whole, you know, being trapped and.

Yeah, I do like this older detective. He sounds very wise.

Oh, yeah, he's the best. And despite being told for this, he keeps coming back.

Yes, this is. This is very relevant to me.

They've done like five Tango and Caches. All right. No, technically, at this point, it would only be probably three anyhow.

Oh, yeah, maybe definitely two. There was. The second was definitely out. The third one, I don't remember. When the third one came out, but.

Yeah.

Very well. We will begin with basic appraisal of cybernetic system as currently calibrated to this hunter killer form. Righteous so far now. Yeah. Moving past basic cybernetics, which of course understand completely. We will go to purpose capabilities and implants. Military grade. Yes, very good. Continuing. And he goes to this lecture. And you can take the cybernetics basic skill.

Okay.

Now it's. It's only going to be half what it should start out with, but once you level up, it will go to its normal.

Okay.

And it was called, we assume Gorshkov is, you know, explaining this to you.

Over yet your fault.

No, cybernetics colon. Basic.

You have a cybernetic colon.

That's impressive. He does.

Oh, I'll have to straight up read the description in the book later to understand the implications.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. But yeah. So Gorshkov is at least tacitly approving of your overall ethos.

Excellent. Yeah, that's basically the idea whenever I'm supposed to be resting. Aside from what rest I might need, you know, building that connection with Gorshkov. We're two peas in a metal bod.

So the remainder of the night passes out eventually.

Oh, no. I'm going to go to the. I'm going to go to the grid. Yes. And I'm going to grab Bronson and we're just going to go out.

Oh, oh, okay. So let me clarify. The broken grid is in the ruins of Old Detroit.

Oh, like miles and miles away. Oh, okay.

Quite some distance from here.

All right, never mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like if it's just like a mile or two away. Okay, I'm gonna go.

No, no, it's an ODW as Old Detroit Windsor.

As if it were closer. I would totally do that. I'm just. God.

Yeah, well, yeah, Drum would have explained, you know, like where. Where it was once he realized you guys didn't know exactly what he was talking about.

Okay.

Next morning.

Yes, the next morning, you guys awaken.

I rise early and head on out to go to breakfast.

Yeah, you meet Zane. You eat steak and hash browns, eggs, and, you know, you ask him questions about techno wizardry. He answers, you know, essentially you're getting, you know, a rough and tumble course on the basics.

At some point during the conversation, I'm going to go, hey now, do you happen to know what a four way is? If I were to say, he might.

But I, as a gm, don't.

Oh, Skyline, Chile. Done four ways. So it's like, is there any place around here to get a four way?

Oh, I mean, they're brothels.

Oh, yeah. No. Skyline Chili. Does that ring a bell?

I like chili.

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Okay. Okay, thanks. It's just a culinary dish for where I am from. And ever since I ended up in these parts, I've been craving it something fierce.

Oh, gotcha. Yeah, Sorry. No, no. I don't know about a Skyline Chili.

So, yeah, he and I are just gonna have a breakfast of crash coursing him answering really basic questions about techno wizardry. Probably looking at me like, you know, you have all the power of a full techno wizard. I can tell that. But you're a blooming idiot. Although you do know your way around the mechanical part of this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So essentially. So Drum, as a guide, will lead you to Old Detroit whenever you're ready to go. That's his. You know, you talk to him more. He's a guide. He leads people into the ruins of Old Detroit when they're doing adventuring stuff. And it's really. How long you guys want to spend in New Laszlo before you do that? Unless you're gonna go to Nokomis or Cincinnati.

Well, that was gonna be my question when we woke up. Is touching base with experience to see if she had either any wrecks for other guides if she knew Drum and if she could. While we need Drum to get to the location itself, but at least checking to see if she could be a guide to see Nokomis later.

Well, also, if we map these out, might something be on the way to something else?

Sorta. You know, I mean, as far as.

Mr. Cat has no fucking clue where we are, Right?

Yeah. I mean, if we go to Detroit, roughly where they described, Nokomis would be roughly relatively southwest of that or southeast of that, and then southeast. Yeah, yeah. Cincinnati would be much farther southeast. Unless. Yeah, and that's if we go a straight line across a lake.

A big Lake.

Erie's a small one.

Well, compared to like Superior, but exactly.

You know, a real lake.

I'm sure there are no terrifying monsters in it on Rift's Earth.

Oh, I'm certain there are. I guarantee you the lake panther is a real thing in Rift's Earth.

Oh, there's probably some kind of reanimated corpse of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Oh, yeah. Roaming the waves. I mean, I totally suspect that an entire population of militant loons, DB loons, are fighting the freaking insect boys up in the Arrowhead of Minnesota.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's parts of the Caribbean, but with the Edmunds, Fitzgerald and.

Yep.

I and every other Minnesotan just kind of got excited.

Yeah, I was balking at the cost of hiring Drum, but we have.

We have a lot of money.

Enough credits.

Speaking of which, just to make sure I understand, you did buy me a suit of plastic man. Yes.

Yes.

Okay, great. Yes.

While you all are having your conversation with experience. I don't give a shit. It's pretty clear you all are still deciding whether or not you want. Which direction you want to go. And I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm the only one who seems deeply invested in getting back home. I'm going to be outvoted anyways, so Riley is just reading the room and going, like, all right, cool. I'm gonna find a scrap yard and start picking up all of the loose metal. I need to put together a smoker and then random bits and bobs of, like, tiny gears and stuff for my first Techno wizard crafting project.

So is your first TK item a smoker? Is that where we're going?

No, actually, I'm going to make a standard smoke. A standard smoker for this. It feels like it's biting off more than I can chew. Actually, I'm going to create a ring lighter as my first Techno wizard item. One of the lighters that's actually a ring. Just use it to channel, ignite flame as the base spell for it, but just enough to light a cigarette. So, you know, it's. It's baby Techno wizards first Techno wizard project here.

Yeah, well. And, you know, potentially very useful.

Yeah. I mean, it's a lighter that never runs out of fuel as long as I got ppe.

Yeah. So that's. We could say that you will. You could definitely probably construct that before you guys leave.

Cool.

Yeah.

I mean, the smoker is going to be real quick to knock together and mount in the back of the Mountaineer. Might be a little harder for the ring, but, you know.

Yeah. I mean, the smoker that's just finding the right bits and pieces. Like, you probably do that in a day or two.

I want to have a small side scene here.

Okay.

When you are assembling the pieces of the smoker. Yeah. You're in the garage or wherever it is.

You're doing this out in the front driveway.

I think so. Yeah.

And, like, right as you're doing this, you have the materials laid out ready to do whatever, and something large and heavy and clanky drops right on top of them. And it is a big old bag full of clanking metal and I drop it down. You should make the smoker out of this.

I open the bag and it's all of the armor. After what Red said about it, do we really want it? Demonically infused smoker.

Can you think of a better tasting meat?

Riley stops, lights a fresh cigarette, blows a smoke ring and goes. You have a point.

Also, I think he would appreciate a gentle retirement.

What?

I just leave?

I proceed to start incorporating the parts of armor into the smoker as I'm constructing it.

Okay, demonic smoker.

I. I bypassed doing a techno wizardry smoker and I've somehow created smoker.

Great.

I mean, at the same time, the moment you gave me a half assed justification, my unprincipled ass is all over.

This meat that is fueled by the souls of the damned.

Ooh, delicious meat. Marinated in sin.

Okay, so you're working on the smoker. What is Henry doing?

I'd like to think that the one first thing in terms of like consistent use, learning consistent use of different functions. Henry's jumping. Jumping high and like, kind of getting used to, like. I love how I keep doing visual bits. Yeah, just, you know, a bunch of high jumps, trying not to crash into anything. Maybe at one point he does crash into like a fruit truck or a vegetable truck.

My cabbages was morrowind out in 97.

No, that was closer to 99.

2,000.

Yeah, because you just run and jump.

Oh, yeah.

Oh my God. Playing Oblivion Remastered. Quick aside, the return of having athletics and acrobatics. Oh, yeah.

But yeah, jumping. It's classic.

Jump high.

So. So my thought is we will. We will end this session. Not necessarily right now, but the end of this session is my thought of you guys leaving New Laszlo to head to the ruins of old Detroit. So anything you want to do before then, now is the time. Then session 5 will be about your adventures into the ODW. Dangerous Monster Infested wilderness. Overgrown with trees. Drone swarms, mutants, Major Leyline, Nexai, Psy. Hunter tribes. Did I say mutants? Because there's mutants.

Just wake me up when we get there.

I'm driving.

Sedate me.

Mr. Cat suddenly starts smoking pot.

Giving him a. Assuming we give him a brief tour of the truck. The mega truck. Any suggestions? Drum on anything we might need for this trip.

Oh, you fellas are doing great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real lots of planets. I like the cloak. It's big.

Yeah.

I get one. You got one for a small guy.

Don't we have several?

Actually, we could tear one and two and give him yeah, exactly.

Well, he. He wanted money from us. I don't know how much of this clothes worth, but I think we had a. Like a whole crate of them.

Yeah, that's the thing. I'm pretty sure we got plenty to spare. I think only Troy and I took one.

Yeah, I took one too. Okay.

I said we give him a freebie.

We break them in, make him part of the team.

At least for now. It'll inspire loyalty.

I do like loyalty.

I like not being backstabbed in the rune lands.

That too.

So you give him a cloak. He wraps it around himself multiple times so it doesn't drag in the ground. Yeah. Yeah. I like this. Yeah. Magic digs, huh? Ooh, Drum the wizard. Bosephus the brute.

Does anybody have Taylor?

No.

But he's like, hey, you're taking food, water, anti radiation pills. Guns?

Yeah. All we need is a case of cigarettes and two pork bellies.

Say, Bronson and I definitely took a trip back to get more weed before we left.

Yeah.

You got more smokes?

Oh, yeah, I got more smokes and two pork bellies.

Nice.

How much money do we have left?

Still so much.

Define so much, if I recall correctly.

33,900.

Okay. Yeah. I would actually like to acquire a ranged weapon that I'm actually good at it.

We know a gunsmith, a gun store. The gun library. Let's go to the gun library.

The gun library. Just.

Are we just going with book costs?

Yes.

Okay.

And I assume I would have no problem picking up a gunslinger style holster for a Wilks 320.

No, no, trivially.

Yeah.

Actually wouldn't mind getting a WP shotgun if that's in the budget.

It's in the budget.

You got. You guys have one? Well, I guess technically somebody did buy.

A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y' all bought like a. Some SDC shotgun.

Yeah, somebody bought an SDC shotgun. I thought that was you.

I couldn't recall what I had bought and that. Okay.

We are not as rich as you guys think we are.

Oh, no. Things cost a lot of money still.

Yeah.

So it all depends on what you're looking for.

I was hoping to get like an energy rifle, but I don't look like I'm going to be able to afford one unless I get like a northern gun.

Yeah, I was going to say there's some northern gun varieties that are a little more cost effective.

Would any of the stuff from like the Northern gun source book, another Gun World book, be there? It's mainly just a big old cat. Well, it's two of Them two big old catalog books full of stuff robots.

I mean given that you're in Michigan, anything from Northern Gun would be in Happy Trigger.

Okay.

It might be a little used. There might be some blood off of the person who formerly owned it given their pseudo aligned with the coalition.

Okay. I'm just going to take a look through those books then I do at some point. At some point I wish to rematerialize that the counter of the weed shop. I'm like there they will. They probably remember me of. They definitely my 17 credits or something like that. They definitely remember I put down a thousand credits.

I want.

I want this much of weed.

So we will say that there is now a more than sufficient amount of weed.

I want the good stuff in the.

Mountaineer for the foreseeable future.

We have a duffel bag of weed. Yeah, I am adding that to the equipment.

Mr. Cat has no idea how much it costs. He just. I need this much.

Yeah, I think it's like a barrel of weed.

Well, because he's taking. He's taking something Henry said to heart. Perhaps he should try.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, maybe that'll get him through Riley's driving.

I am putting it on the character sheet as a sea bag full of weed.

Oh boy.

They were certainly happy to accommodate.

Yeah.

So Jacob, as you're building the Smoker into the Mountaineer, you've learned more about techno wizardry and some of your arcane senses have become more finely tuned. You realize that there are many more objects in the back of the Mountaineer that perhaps have eldritch providence than you originally suspected. More than just the cloaks.

Yeah, I kind of figured that. I'm going to give those bullets a hard once over.

Do you mean the box of oddly shaped, multicolored and entirely unlabeled nine millimeter ammunition?

Yes.

Gotcha. So you start going through these. You're not sure what any of them do though. You start to get feelings and impressions. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. One group of six. This is the. The first that you start to understand. And there are 63 rounds altogether in this set. Six of them you're pretty sure. You don't know why you think this, but once fired they will emit a blood curdling scream supernatural scream. Which would you're. You're quite certain be very unsettling to anyone that was shot at with such a round. Screaming shard rounds appears inside your mind.

I have a little bit of a gun wonk question, but it's mostly so I get the right gun for this. Are they 9 millimeter parabellum that would go through a semi automatic pistol or are they 9 millimeter revolver?

They are revolver rounds.

Excellent. Okay. Because I didn't want to pick up a 9 millimeter Glock.

Yeah, yeah.

And suddenly be trying to force rimmed through it.

No, no. I mean, yeah. The idea being that you've got a revolver and you can load in different rounds and I'm going to definitely be.

Picking up a modern equivalent of a charter arms pit bull.

Perfect. Yeah, yeah.

I'll. I'll just, you know, swing by the gun library and go 9 millimeter revolver, whatever he's got. That looks cool.

There you go.

That's hard. That's very little money. So not a problem.

Very little money. Yeah, it's.

It's an SDC weapon. They don't care what comes out of it. Might not be, but.

Yeah. So you study these bullets and I'll just go ahead and send you the list. I mean, you're a wizard. Eventually you would figure it out.

And.

You can share that with your comrades or not.

I will decide that and then I'm going to do some other poking around, but we can handle that offline because like the blue flame, brass lantern screams and that sort of thing.

Well, the brass lantern, it's just a magical lantern. Just a magical lantern. You know, it doesn't do anything beyond provide illumination, but with or without pumping.

PPE into it, that's the big question.

You don't have to. It just works.

So, yeah, I mean, we're picking up some guns, I'm finishing building a smoker and starting the smoking of the two pork bellies I pick up. And there you go.

Also, I should Note, shortly after Mr. Cat dropped the the iron armor on experience did come out of the house and stop you from using those in the smoker.

I look at her and I look at the pile armor and I look at her and I look at the part of pile armor and I go, I'll make you a deal.

Yes.

I will not use the armor in the construction of the smoker in exchange for you explaining to Mr. Cat why I am not.

Well, I'm going to tell him that he was right. There's a soul trapped in it.

I don't need the answer explanation. I just need you to go have that conversation.

Yeah, yeah. So she, yeah, she, she had planned to do so, but she says, of course I will. Yes. So she finds Mr. Cat. She's like, I appreciate your initiative. I think the man probably would enjoy being a smoker more than some sort of evil armor. But there is a soul there. And there's a way we can remove it. Free it, rather.

You're sure about this?

My source is very, very good.

Yes, because I could imagine after spending countless years murdering and slaying in the name of demonic forces, that spending the rest of one's existence grilling is an idyllic retirement. Yes.

Well, I think we can send him to the next world.

Oh, well, that, too. That is a more reasonable explanation.

Yes. Yes. So if you collect for me the pieces of armor. I will. I'll take care of it.

Okay. I go do that.

Yeah. My friend will help me. It's all right.

I was really looking forward to that demon meat.

I know you were. And I wasn't going to be the one to explain why it wasn't happening. Riley may have no social skills, but Riley is also not stupid.

Yeah, so she will take it. And she. You're not sure what she does with it? She takes it to the house.

So would y' all be okay with me spending 18 grand on a Wilkes?

I have no problem with that.

Yeah.

So then my next question is, Kyle.

Yes.

Would this area have in. Would this place have for sale the Wilkes Remy rifles from the new West?

Sure. I mean, Alexander is a connoisseur.

Okay. Wilkes Remy 147.

I figure I'm running around with a body equivalent to America's next top expensive body, so, yeah, I don't really need a whole lot.

And we hooked up Troy last time, so, like, for what we're spending on you, that's not a problem.

Yeah. Do you know. Do you know how much that peg leg cost?

Jesus Christ. You have to remember, we started out with close to 100 grand. Where we're at now is almost entirely outfitting Troy and the chess piece that Bronson's wearing.

That's right.

Oh, because Troy's not wearing the chess.

Piece for whatever reason, the crazy is not wearing the chest piece.

Yeah. Yeah, he liked the look.

Well, it's right there in the name. Okay, so you guys spend a few days outfitting the Mountaineer, building a smoker, acquiring weapons, talking to people, learning more about Dromedary Bocephus. Then, bright and early one morning, we'll say the 25th of April, you set out to the ruins of Old Detroit in search of clues by Kripke's whereabouts.

The quest for Mike's basement.

That's right. We'll end there for the evening.

All right. Well, that was fun.

Yeah.

Yeah. And dear listener, we did something new this time didn't do the usual intro and just started fricking playing. And it was great. So, by the way, I'm npc.

I'm just Jacob.

I'm still Alex.

I'm Kyle.

Yeah.

Sadly, Sean could not be with us, but he shall return as Troy.

Yeah, yeah. He is missed. But you know what? As Kyle so eloquently said in our private chat, we're all middle aged. It happens. And I'm like, oh, we are, we are. We're all middle aged.

Planning games a month plus out and coincidentally, none of us have something come up. Is amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, you know, you see the occasional Reddit thread. What should I do if somebody can't make it to a session? You play anyway. Because if you're requiring perfect attendance of a game group. Yeah.

You're in high school.

Good luck.

You're in high school. That's right. You got nothing else going on.

But it does take me back. Like, when I first started playing rift in the 90s, we were playing like five times a week.

Damn.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, you got nothing else to do, right?

Yeah.

There were video games back then, but they were not as cool as they are now.

Nowhere near as cool. Well, this was fun.

Yeah.

As always, a blast.

Yep. We've had some great responses, folks. Thank you for all of the wonderful feedback. We're enjoying playing this, hopefully as much as you're enjoying listening to it. Who knows?

There will be more violence in the next episode. I'm quite certain of that.

That'll be exciting. Maybe Mr. Cat will get to kill something before Bronson steals that kill.

Said he's such an exuberant little guy or large guy.

Real show stealer.

Yep. So, folks, thanks for listening. Thanks for the wonderful feedback. Keep it coming. If you haven't already dropped by our Discord and say hello, introduce yourself, join the conversation. You should also check out Kyle's podcast, which is.

Yes, Bastard Quest, which is exactly how it sounds. They.

They play games over there. It's. It's a bit sillier.

It is, yes. It is very, very comedic in tone. And we. We play lots of games. It is not unlike Glitter Boy. It is not definitely just a Palladium games podcast. We actually. Well, we've played at least one. Plenty of game. Maybe two.

You did Ninja Turtles. Maybe one day you'll play Nightbane someday.

I've got the core book. I've got it. We're going to. You should see the stack of books I have downstairs of games. We're going to play. It just keeps getting higher. It's ridiculous. We are in a golden age right now. We really are of cool games. It is unbelievable.

Yep, it's a good day to be a gamer with It's a good day to be a middle aged gamer with a budget.

Yeah, yeah, you can build a huge collection of games you'll never play.

So anyway, join us online. Listen to Bastard Quest. Drop by our Discord. Drop by their Discord, say hello, join the conversation and we look forward to hearing from you and we'll catch you next time.

Goodbye.

Thanks everybody.

Starships, Magic, Mystic Martial Arts, Romance. All of these can be found in a cloak of blades By Isaac Sher you might have heard my name before. I've done a lot of voiceover work for Breakfast Puppies and I've recently released my first novel. It's available on Amazon as an ebook and paperback and you can get it for free if you have a Kindle unlimited subscription. I do hope you'll support my work as you're supporting Breakfast Puppies and it's been a pleasure talking with you today.

Have a good one.

You've been listening to the Glitter Boys, a Palladium Books fan podcast. Glitter Boys, Rifts, the Megaverse and all other such topics are the property of Kevin Sambita and Palladium Books. Please buy all their stuff and help keep them in print and making more games. You can order [email protected] and their entire catalog is available digitally at Drivethru RPG as well. Our opening music is 8 bit bass and lead by FurbyGuy from freesound.org this closing music is Caravana by Philip Gross, available at Free Music Archive. All sound effects used are self made or acquired via Creative Commons zero License. If you like what you have heard, find us on Twitter and Facebook as theglitterbois. That's B O I S and check us out [email protected] glitterboys and also join us on the Breakfast Puppies network [email protected] Discord and if you want to help us out, please spread the word and help us build a community. Thanks again for listening. We'll catch you next time.

How will I know when the episode ends?

I can't turn it off unless I click.