The Glitterbois Play Rifts 9: The Darkest of Falcons

Breakfast Puppies.

This podcast contains adult language and content and is meant for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Oh, it's me, your friend Bronson. If I could see you, I would lick your face. You listen to the glitter, boys. I love you. The dining room in Experience Dinsmore's home in New Laszlo has clearly been the site of a party. Well, an adult party, not a kegger. Let's, let's be clear. There's platters of food that have clearly been parts of which have been consumed. There's dirty plates, glassware and empty wine bottles, soiled napkins. And surrounding the table are of course, Experienced Dinsmoor, the. The wizard that you all know as Jovial Red. A younger woman that bears a striking resemblance to Experience Dinsmore. Perhaps her daughter, maybe a sister, but clearly of some familiar relation. And there's a number of other guests, one of which is a dragon, a small dragon. It's about the size of a golden retriever sitting in a chair, lapping soup out of a bowl. And of course at the end of the table, standing up, having just lit a cigarette, is Riley, who just barged into this, this party. Behind him, of course, Henry, Mr. Cat and Bronson. And Experience looks up, says, well, gentlemen, I. I guess you are returned from the broken grid.

You could say that. Sorry to interrupt. I guess.

What is there left to eat?

There's quite a lot of food left on the table. There's more than half of a ham left. Boiled potatoes, corn, fruits, vegetables, fresh baked bread. There's lots of food.

Mr. Cat is going to a little touchy that ham.

Experience says, yes, boys, please sit down. Please make yourselves at home. And she starts introducing the other guest. She says, of course, you know, Jovial Red. Jovial Red is wearing his typical wizardly garb. Looks at you guys. Yes, welcome. And Experience introduces her daughter, Truth. Dinsmore introduces the. The dragon named Mor Thak. Hello. He flaps over, lands beside Riley, starts sniffing of him. You smell like magic. And Experiences more tha. Give him some space. These gentlemen have been on quite an adventure, I'm sure. And then she introduces a cyber knight named Dark Falcon. Cranston, you can introduce your character.

Cyber Knight.

Armor.

Armor.

Both arms, leg armor, codpiece, Pauldron's shirtless, Fabio esque body composition. We got a tight, you know, triangle hex, glistening, long blonde, beautiful hair. Pretty, pretty, soft spoken, but kind of in the, in, in his eyes you can kind of see that he's. He's kind of got that thousand yard stare. He's seen some shit.

So I Assume everyone is going to belly up to the table.

I'm reaching for the ham.

Yeah.

Bronson grabs it. Here, Mr. Cat, let me help you. And he pulls it over and starts cutting pieces for you here. This is delicious. Oh, thank you so much. Experience. I love your house. Are you drinking that? He takes like half a glass of wine from one of the other guests.

It is also worth reminding folks that myself and Bronson are high as fuck.

Yes.

Yep. Experience. Sorry to ask. Is there a beer in the house?

Oh, of course. Yeah. She goes. She gets up and goes and comes back with some beer. She says, can I get anybody anything while I'm going?

Do you have any red wine?

Of course.

I would love some.

Yeah, you guys have been drinking through a couple bottles of wine now. So Cranston, like your character, is there with Truth Dinsmore and Mor Thak and a few other people. And that is your. What you would think of as your adventuring party. Right?

Can I get those names again?

Sure.

Truth Dinsmore and Mor Thak of the Ash Waste. That's the Dragon. And there's a few others that will. Will perhaps introduce later. Okay.

Dark Falcon goes up to the table and starts preparing a little plate of victuals, a little bit of everything. And then kind of makes eyes at Mr. Cat and kind of like does an inquisitive kind of eyebrow and then goes back to eating.

How tall is Dark Falcon?

Oh, that's a good question. Probably like 6, 5.

Jesus.

Part of the tall boys.

Yeah.

Great.

Yeah, yeah. So I give you a raised eyebrow, eye to eye.

Okay. You're looking up when you do that, for the record.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm like 8ft tall.

I have the largest house cat you've ever seen.

Agreed.

I look back and then just whatever, get over and look back at food. I have to get rid of this cottonmouth.

So Truth Dinsmore, after her mother comes back with the beers, looks at you guys and says, so who are you boys exactly? And this is the younger Dinsmoor. And she is dressed in normal, like, civilian clothes. Very nice clothes. Clean. But her hands are heavily scarred and she's got calluses that you would associate with someone regularly wields hand to hand combat weapons. There's a few faded scars on her face that you can see.

Well, we're not from around here. There's one more. Our buddy Troy is out asleep in the truck at the moment. We didn't want to wake him after the hit he took to his head, but yeah, we're not from around Here, I'm Riley. That's Henry, that's Mr. Cat. And I pause, as if knowing that Bronson's gonna interrupt me.

I'm Bronson. I was a dog.

And I am a cat. I say between mouthfuls of ham.

So Bronson at some point, like, starts sniffing the air. And then he gets. He goes over to Dark Falcon and starts smelling of them really deeply and starts getting really excited. Now, Cranston.

Yeah.

You would recognize this dog.

Yeah. Do I recognize the names Riley and. Okay, yes. I Look. No way. Mr. Cat and Bronson.

Oh, my goodness. And Bronson just wraps Dark Falcon in a hug. Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. Can I lick your face?

Yeah. I reach over and scratch Bronson in the way that I know Bronson likes to see if I get a reaction.

Yeah. I mean, his leg starts going into a spasm.

Yeah. Dark Falcon's stoic demeanor melts away. And he wraps Bronson in a big hug. It's like, oh, my God, it's been so long.

Who the hell are you? You heard me. Who the hell are you?

At this point, Mr. Cat just sort of materializes, like, above him. Just standing behind and above him, looking down, curious.

His head slowly comes above frame.

Yeah, yeah, that peep up.

So let's see. I would say Mr. Cat would probably be able to figure this out. So, npc, I will message you.

Dark Falcon looks over at Riley.

Is that what it was?

Dark Falcon looks over at Riley and goes, riley.

Yes, that's what I said. My name is. Now, who the hell are you?

Yeah, it's just you look so different.

Wow.

I look around at Bronson, Mr. Cat, and Henry the cyborg. I look the most like myself out of any of us, other than somehow I got a weird. My red hair, my classic Irish schoolboy hair is now a fucking faux hawk. It's like, okay, let's get back to this who the hell are you?

Question as you ask that. I'm going to push Bronson away. Like, physically push him out of the way, and then force myself. And I am now sitting in your lap.

Oh, Mr. Cat. I thought it might have been the real Mr. Cat. And I start, like, scratching behind your

ear and, like, moving the head around

to heading you very slowly all the way across your entire body.

At the same time, I'm also munching on some ham.

Yeah. So truth. Dinsmore steps, pushes back from the table for a minute, goes, what the actual.

These are my boy. These are my boy's friends from the little game

now, Kres and how much have you told your Boone companions about your past? Like, do they know everything?

Well, how long have I been with these two?

A couple years.

I probably would have given them a taste. Yeah. If I'm around him this long, I probably trust him enough to kind of give him at least the broad strokes.

I mean, you've been with them long enough in the way you look, the way you describe yourself. I'm sure you gave him a taste.

It's that in character.

Absolutely not.

Okay, just making sure. I don't know what your character's like.

I don't know what's out of character and what's on the table.

Like this. So it's pretty easy.

Yeah. Yeah. So truth just nods slowly, sort of understanding some of what is going on. And she says, so, so this. And she, like, gestures to Mr. Cat. He was actually just a. Like, does, like, her hands. And, like, you know, holds her hands about a foot apart as if to, you know, represent the actual size of a typical house cat.

Before you can even respond, my head just basically slams into yours, but in a loving way.

Yeah. Rubbing thing being the meat cake that I am.

No problem.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yo.

Okay, cool.

Would someone care to fill the rest in the group on who Mr. Dark Falcon here is?

You hear Henry go.

Oh, my God. Henry.

That's who you're talking to? Who are you?

It.

It's. It's Donna. It's me.

Wait, wait, Mike's mom?

Yeah. What?

And I. Henry just comes over and also, I believe being taller than you just engulfs you and Mr. Cat in a big old bear hug.

Oh, yeah. Just giant hugs all around, purring. Oh, I'm so. It's such a relief to see you.

Where's Mike?

He's not with you?

No.

What was Mike's Last name? Kripke. Miss. Miss or Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. Kripke. I can't believe it.

I'm well, Dark Falcon, but I'm going by Kowalski now. That's my maiden name. You can call me Donna.

All right, Donna. All right. No, sure thing, Donna.

I've been.

I've been in here for what feels like an eternity, but it's been five long years. And I've been desperately searching for my boy. And I got really excited. I thought maybe he would just be, like, right outside or in the next room.

Bronson's wearing his shirt. You should smell. Makes him happy.

Yeah. We took it off a little man. A little green man who's shifty.

You took it off a little green man.

I did I found him. I hunted him down.

He was wearing Mikey's shirt.

Mm.

Did you all investigate that or.

Yeah, that's where we initially headed out for. Oh, and found some of Mike's possessions, but no hide or hair of Mike.

How long have you been in here?

Two, three weeks.

Oh my God.

So you've been here five years?

About the best I can recollect.

Yeah.

Provided the days work the same way they do, then yes. Are you okay?

I'm gonna go out and have a cigarette. And he turns and walks into the living room and sits down on the couch, throws his head back to stare at the ceiling and lights up a fresh cigarette with one already in his hand.

That dual wield proficiency.

The dragon looks around, looks at everybody, looks at Riley, and then like, hops off his chair and like, waddles into the other room to where Riley went.

He'll be okay, Morthak.

Are you sure?

No.

Okay, I'm gonna go smell his hair.

The one thing you probably would remember is that I am the most unlikable of your son's friends. No social skills, crass as hell. Just like.

Yeah, well, let me ask you this. What was your relationship with Mikey's mom?

I mean, I acknowledged her presence and that was about it. Yeah, it was.

It was never like, adversarial though.

No, No. I mean, Riley is a misanthrope of the first order. You know, it's kind of just who he is.

So jovial. Red leans forward. Now, Cranston, you would have met this wizard before. He's the most powerful wizard of New Laszlo. He's an important politician. And he says. Oh, I did not realize that you were from this Cincinnati Dark Falcon.

Yeah, I suppose that information sort of on a need to know basis, it doesn't really affect things here. Yes, well, but I certainly don't try to hide that fact.

Well, you people seem to have a lot to catch up on. I'll be in the study if anyone needs me.

Pardon me for just a moment. And she just power squeezes. Power squeezes. All the boys and the cat. And the dog.

Don't touch me.

Bored now. I'm going to the other side of the table.

Ah, Mr. Cat. You never change. Henry, how are you?

I mean, look at me. Who could say I was? You could say this is a bit of an upgrade.

Yeah, it's different.

It sure is. I've got a constant pal now. Say hi, Gorshki.

Hi, Gorski.

I am Khorshkov. I'm on board.

AI.

Who are you?

Oh, you can call me Dark Falcon, please.

And like bright lights on the side of Henry's cybernetic face, light up and start scanning. Dark Falcon, Cyber knight. Yes, but he will. And Gorshkov closes. Seal shuts off.

Nice talking with you, Gorshki. Until next time.

A friend of yours, huh?

I wear joined at the hip, if you want to put it that way.

From the living room, you hear Riley say in a loud voice, more like prefrontal cortex, but yeah, basically.

Riley, would you like to come join us?

Oh, my God.

Are you thirsty?

He just lifts his beer so you can see it through the doorway and shakes it and go. No, I'm set, thanks. Okay.

Have some water. What was that?

Thank you.

You're welcome. Do you have any leads on Mikey?

Not as far as I'm aware. You know, we found his stuff in the. In the ruins, and there's a whole mess that we ran away from, and then we fought a lady and got some stuff and. But still, we were still trying to figure out where the hell Mike is. I mean, how have you survived for this long?

Well, it's a bit embarrassing, but do you remember all those romance novels I used to read?

I. Henry does legitimately chuckle because yes, you look like straight off the COVID of one.

Of course, it turns out as soon as Mr. Kripke left my life, I realized I had a certain amount of autonomy and I just started to radically accept where I was and I started to thrive. To be completely honest with you, it feels weird to say, but I've been thriving. Yeah, I'm a. I'm a cyber knight. Pulls out a fucking sword from the ether.

Whoa.

Yeah.

This is my sword.

Damn right you are. Holy moly.

Yeah, I've killed. I've killed a lot of.

She puts the sword away, probably bunch more than we have since we haven't been here nearly as long as we've killed some stuff, though.

Yeah. I. I don't mean to be rude, but to be completely honest, I expected to see you much sooner.

I gave up, I guess. I don't blame you. We had no idea you were here.

Had it? Has it been five years out there,

like back in Cincinnati? Yeah, I. I guess I would assume whatever pulled us into this land is the same thing that pulled you. Yeah, because you have no memory of us just up and disappearing along with a good chunk of the basement. No. Huh. Maybe Mike also got sent further back. Or maybe even forward in time.

Yeah. I don't know where Mikey is, but I. I feel it that he's here. In this world. I don't know where in this world, but I know that he's here.

Right.

Real quick aside, as a player, is the shirt that was found that Bronson's wearing, the shirt that we can probably still remember that Mike was wearing the night of the event? Or is it just one of Mike's shirts?

It was just one of Mike's shirts. Okay.

Little dirty laundry.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah. We're just trying. We're trying to find our way. And I find our way home, technically, but also to find Mike.

Please let me come with you.

I mean, sure. We got plenty of room in the wagon.

I want to find my boy. And just like I used to protect Mikey, I can protect you.

The more protection, the merrier. But we seem to be finding more mysteries than we're solving.

I wish I could tell you that

through in all this time that I had some answers for you, but I. I really don't. I don't think I do.

I mean, that's totally fair, but I think there's maybe one thing you could answer.

What's that?

Can you make your pecs dance?

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just straight up.

Oh, that's awesome. You're so buff.

Yeah. Truth. Dinsmore rolls her eyes and says, mutters every night around the campfire, if you

had pecs like these, you would do it, too. Okay.

There is a deep sigh that can be heard from the living room. Riley gets up and goes out to the Mountaineer and just comes back in with a stack of four boxes and walks straight into the study. And I just start setting him on the desk in front of.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Joe. Ooh, what do we have here, Mr. O'? Shea?

Let's see. Probably a weapon of mass destruction. Pointing to the vial full of red liquid, looking at the silver chain, I go, I suspect that's cursed. It looks way too innocent to be not cursed. Then the pendant, the Howling Mouth pendant. I point at that and goes like. I think that one speaks for itself. And then I point to the Ironbound book and go, and I need someone who. I need to learn how to read Draconic, like yesterday.

Oh, yes, I see. Well, yes. These two that you suspected to be evil. She'll take those. He pulls out a small box from one of his voluminous pockets. You know, thunks on the table. He puts those in there, closes it up, puts it back. Quite dangerous. Picks up the vial. Ooh, Atomic Ember vial. Very rare, very dangerous. Use with caution.

Use with caution. Are we talking, like, level City use with caution or just block caution.

Yeah, well, couple blocks maybe.

I'll keep that one.

Yes, yes.

And the book.

Ah, the grayfold ledger.

Yeah, the wizard we picked up on the way back, member of the Archonauts. He said that he couldn't read it, but the names inscribed of that were entwined with fate or something along those lines. I just need to make damn sure that none of our names are in it.

Ah, yes, well, it would be better to say that the names, those fated to play roles, events of great import, would be recorded here if this is the actual Greyfold ledger, not a forgery

in the other room. Mr. Cat feels a momentary tingle and then it's gone.

Jorah said she'd like to study this for a few days and you can return and pick it up at your leisure.

Certainly. Can you read Draconic, Mr. O'?

Shea?

I mean, it's a fair question, of course.

Verse to the tongues of men and demons in lands of which you have no knowledge. Can I read Dragonic? Dragonese would be the correct way to put it, but nonetheless.

Riley turns quietly, shuts the study door on the two of them and turns back around. Don't you dare tell anybody else. If our names are in that book. I care about one thing and one thing only, is getting myself and those kids out there and now apparently his goddamn mother, back home to where we belong.

I shall keep that secret, should it be proven so. But jovial Red looks a bit sad for a moment. He claps Riley on the shoulder. Time travel is fraught with peril and, well, going forward is a much easier thing.

Riley just looks at him for a moment and goes. Troi and Henry are nice guys. I don't think reality's really set in for him yet. And it's going to get uglier and uglier and I'd like to save him that if at all possible.

He lets out a sigh. This is a noble thing to want.

And if you ever tell anybody I said that, I will hunt you down.

Well, your secret is safe with me.

Now, regarding the Italian neck chain and the screaming amulet.

Like, how.

How evil are we talking here? Are we talking, like, not great? Are we talking in the wrong hands, evil, but potentially useful? Or if I put it on Mr. Cat, we're going to have a even more megalomaniacal dictator in training.

He says. Ah. He opens the box, pulls out the silver locket that's shaped like an open mouth, and you can see inside this tiny shard of obsidian, just like spitting in the Center. And he says, ah, Fettersong pendant would let you mimic any voice sound perfectly. And it would slowly overwrite your own voice and own identity over time with one of its choosing.

Yeah, that's a skip.

He takes out the other. This long silver chain. Chain of subtle binding. Quite useful. Locks down spell casting, paralyzes the victims. Remain quite conscious but mute.

That could be handy.

It learns its victims and has a tendency to murder them.

Could be.

Very often find its way around the throat of its master in the dark of night.

Oh, well, then, you know, I'll just keep that one. Yeah, you keep that one.

Okay, that's it.

I'm going to hang on to that atomic fire, though.

Yeah. Oh, well, yes, it suits you.

Sure would be nice if we were getting paid for all of these powerful magical artifacts that we're bringing here. Just saying.

I totally understand where you're coming from and I philosophical basis. And normally riley would be 100% copacetic with that line of reasoning. I'm looking at it as potentially something he can bring up down the line when he's negotiating with Jovio to get us the fuck out of here.

Fair Jovio Red, with the grayfold ledger under one arm, walks to the door of the study and turns, says, you know, Mr. O', Shea, time travel, very difficult. And not believe it would have been random chance that sent you here to this place. Something quite powerful.

Oh, I'm in 100% agreement. Just from talking to folks, this seems well beyond the grips of, you know, most spellcasters, Leyline walkers, yada, yada, yada. Maybe if we get over to England and talk to a temporal wizard, there might be some angle there.

But.

Yeah, no, I kind of think we're playing with a higher league of power than just your average spellslinger.

Oh, yes, Temporal wizard time travel is one thing, Mr. O', Shea, but he opens the door and looks at everyone. But often one does so in their own skin. Have a good evening, everyone. And jovial Red departs

in. Bronson.

Oh, come here.

Bronson scampers up.

Let me smell that shirt, Bronson.

Oh, yeah, he strips it off and hands it to you. Bronson's been wearing a man and Bronson's been in a fight. It's actually covered in blood and gore. It reeks like, even more than, like, normal. Dog Reef. Yeah, I killed a rat man and I rolled around in him because he smelled bad. Oh, and then I killed another rat man. I ripped his guts out, threw it across the room.

Oh, good boy.

Yeah, tell her about the shotgun. Bronson.

Yeah, Bronson, if you must tell me about the shotgun.

They let me use the shotgun.

Okay. I don't know what I was expecting.

Yeah, I did really good.

Oh, I'm sure you did. I'm gonna give this back to you now, okay? Thank you, Bronson.

Yeah. Experienced. Dinsmore just sweeps in, is like, I'll take that, Bronson. I'll wash it for you, honey. He's like, following her and just whining.

It'll be okay, Bronson. I'm. I'm overwhelmed.

I. I know.

Look at this.

And I stand and turn around and do that. Like arms to the wide gladiator pose. Isn't it glorious?

Mm.

So truth. Dinsmore clears her throat and she says, well, what about Heartsby? What about Hercules Adams? And she's talking to. To Dark Falcon and Princeton. Dark Falcon recall or Donna recalls that. Oh, yeah, you guys, your adventuring group and you call yourselves the Torchbearers, had been planning to head north. Oh, by the way, this is New Laszlo is in southern Michigan. I don't know if you knew that, but have been planning to go north to a village called Heartsby. And it's embattled defender, a glitter boy named Hercules Adams, who's been having trouble with a tribe of psy stalkers. And this is part of your ongoing effort to try to bring some level of safety to the isolated villages in the Michigan wilderness.

That's kind of what. What I'm kind of tackling at the moment.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You guys had. Essentially, most of the people in your group are from New Laszlo. And, you know, you'll. It's your home base. You go out, you fight monsters, help people, and then, you know, come back here to rest, recuperate. And you guys had anticipated being in New Laszlo for a few days, maybe a little longer, but then you were going to go north into Hartsby. Hercules Adams is the name of the. The glitter boy pilot. Hereditary glitter boy pilot. And he's the defender of Heartsby.

Well, that's true, but you can't expect Mr. Cat to, you know, compare himself to Hercules Adams. Hercules Adams is, you know, very prominent Glitter boy.

He's shiny.

Oh, so shiny.

Would you say he is like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck? Shiny.

I hadn't thought of it that way.

But I see Mr. Cat got a 2 to 1 THC CBG mix on this last batch.

You want that nip?

If you want some, we're holding.

How do you take it? Do you smoke? Do you eat it do you roll around in it or.

I have been educated in the ways of smoking it.

Kind of like how I used to Token. You'd yell at me.

Yeah. How you doing?

Well, I got a Russian guy in my head. I don't know where Mike is. This is all pretty fucking bonkers and I can't really get high anymore. Oh, really? Yeah. And as you know, that was like a cornerstone of my entire personality.

Oh yeah. You know, you were kind of winning me over too. I was kind of thinking just like in light of the recent events, you might as well. Who am I to say right now

would be ideal to smoke them if you got them right.

Excellent. Follow me, Bronson.

I'll try anything once, so you hear. Bronson crowd. Oh, she's giving me a bath. Mr. Cat.

Excellent job. You need one.

You could hear like splashing water and experience Dinsmore cursing.

You'll feel better after Bronson. You'll get a treat.

Just, you know that pitiful dog whining. Bronson would always cry when he got put in the shower or the bathtub like he was being murdered.

Would it be possible to hear a line like, you're killing me with this water.

I can talk now. This is death to me. I can feel my insides melting. That's what water does on the outside. Unless you go swimming.

You're overreacting, Bronson. It's not that bad.

The end is about us.

It feels that way. But that I promise it's not that

Weed is not going to smoke itself. Friends.

Yeah, let's go. I'm a new Donna.

So you guys are going to smoke weed. So Truth says she will talk to you later about Heartsby if you're still interested in going. And she says a little bit and helping people.

I mean, I can smoke weed with Mr. Cat. And then we could still talk about Heartsby, right?

Of course. Yeah.

He's just going to need to talk a little more. Like me.

I'm good, Mr. Cat.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Whatever. I just keep going.

No, let's talk about Heartsby.

Well, no, she meant like in the morning or whatever.

I got.

You have a reunion with these people that you haven't seen in a long time.

That's a good point. Okay, Mr. Cad, wait up.

Meanwhile, Riley leaves the study after his conversation and goes to the kitchen and starts doing dishes.

Gotcha. Yeah. So you guys kind of filter out to the house. Jovial Red departs the dragon, flies out to some unknown location. Truth. Densmore goes up upstairs to her old room. So you guys spend the evening catching up, but eventually falling asleep on couches or spare bedrooms and experiences home. Dawn comes early. I'm going to assume some of you sleep through it. Probably. Probably not. Henry.

Henry will do a little pacing outside.

I think Donna might be up early making pancakes and fresh squeezed orange juice, if that's possible in this world.

Oh, yeah, it's possible.

Particularly in this town, of all places.

Nice.

Yeah. New Laszlo's standard of living is actually probably slightly higher than late 20th century real Earth due to the amount of magic they have incorporated in everyday life.

I think Donna is like. I remember when Mikey and his friends would stay up too late eating sugar and playing games. And then they'd wake up and I'd have fresh juice and pancakes for them. Use chocolate chips to make a little smiley face. I think she's trying to recreate that moment.

Riley's out in the backyard already, chain smoking, sketching on a sketchpad just like the good old days.

Did Donna ever try to make a square pancake in the form of a D6 just for Mike?

I think she was very supportive of Mike, but I don't think she was that tuned in.

Okay.

Yeah.

A cool mom, but not that cool.

Yeah, she would have if. She would have, like, known about it.

Right.

If Mike had let her in a little bit more instead of being like mom.

Yeah. You kids have fun with your board games last night?

Yes.

Is it cards or.

You know, we.

We used to play. We used to play Yahtzee. That was a. That was a blast

with the way you guys were yelling. Sounds like you were playing a lot of bridge last night.

Well, Mikey's father and I. I'm happy here. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but

we

don't have to talk about that.

Yeah. So you guys have a big breakfast. Pancakes, juice, eggs. Experience comes in with some fresh sausage from a butcher down the street. Bronson is offering to lick everybody's plate when they're done.

I imagine that Donna, looking like this ripped, armored Fabio, has, like, a very frilly heart apron with, like, kitty cats on it.

Oh, for sure. Now, does Donna's been here a while? Does she just stay with the dinsmores, or does she have her own place in New Lanzlow?

That's a good question. What do you think?

I mean, it could go either way. As someone that adventures a lot, it's entirely possible that you're on the road so much that you just never bothered. But if she wanted a little place to call her own, that would make

sense as well, yeah, I think she's actually pretty haggard and spends a lot of her time on the road adventuring. So I think this is kind of a real treat for her. Yeah, I don't think she really has a place of her own, but she also doesn't necessarily stay with these folks all that often.

Gotcha. Yeah. So does everyone get up for breakfast or is it mainly. Well, I assume Henry will obviously be there and probably Riley, who's awake.

Be chit chat.

Really? It's Mr. Cat awakened for breakfast.

Oh, God, no.

I sleep in for some weird reason. Riley makes sure he's sitting where he has a very clear eye on the plate of sausage on the table relative to Bronson for no particular reason.

So Truth Dinsmore comes downstairs, joins you guys at breakfast and says to, you know, she says, dark Falcon, we'll be leaving for Hartsby in three days if you want to come with us.

I would love to. I'll have to talk to the boys, of course. And she just sort of like scans everyone around the table with a big grin on her face.

She says, well, they seem like capable warriors and my mother speaks highly of them, so they'd be welcome to join.

You hear that, boys? You'd be welcome.

We gotta go over a small thing with Experience first before we go gal venting off on another adventure.

Oh, sure, sure. We have three days. It's fine.

Yeah, I poke a burnt hole in my. My arm like we got some things to do in town too. I gotta get some fixes.

Okay.

Yeah, Truth. Like downs a glass of OJ and looks at Henry and says, you should visit Alexander of Macedon. He's. He's good at that. He's this robot, small. He's got. Well, sells weapons. You have met him, by the way.

I was trying to mentally go through my Rolodex and was he the arms dealer?

Yeah, like gun.

Yeah, he's more guns or whatever it's called.

He's the one who jailbroke your AI and I've been backdooring. Yeah, I mean, where I got the language pack. Yeah, where you got the language pack. And that's all. Nothing else happened? I haven't spent time nightly plugged into your head whenever you're doing your sleep cycle.

Are we looking to do a breakdown of what we all gotta do in town, or are we montaging this?

Well, I first want to go over with Experience, that lady we ran into and the relics we picked up and I turned over to Jovio, just because since Experience has been on ground zero of this entire freaking nightmare. It's only fair to get her read in on the evolving clusterfuck.

Yeah.

So, yeah, really clear rundown of everything that happened. Running into the Arknauts, defeating the giant spider going into the Grid. Fucking cyber rats.

And we did not fuck any cyber rats. You take that back.

We ran away and just fucked any that still followed us.

That's not better, Henry.

What do I know, brother?

And then, of course, the big showdown at the Barn with what's her name? With the Darth Vader tattoo.

That's right.

Did.

I don't know. I don't believe that that foe. Did they tell you their name?

I don't recall at the moment.

The lady we fought, are you talking about. Okay, well, I remember. I know that her name is Vendra, but I don't think we ever learned that.

You specifically told.

I was listening to the thing.

Yeah, yeah, yes, her name is Vendra, but I didn't.

I don't.

I don't know that that ever actually happened in character, but. So you guys are discussing this with experience, and she's asking questions. She's. And she says something to the effect of, you don't know who this was. And that's when, inside Henry's head, Gorshkov is just muttering angrily in Russian.

Say that again, but maybe in English, buddy.

On your heads up, display, like, Russian letters, acrylic letters show up and translate, and it says, I know who that was.

Oh, well, Go go, gadget. Tell us what you know. Gorshki.

Gorshkov says that was Vendra. She was a servant of evil.

I mean, the name is new, but. Servant of evil? We could have probably figured that out.

Zavir murdered Valya.

Oh,

Valya being the previous Borg that Gorshkov was the AI for.

Oh, okay, so you've encountered that wicked witch before?

Duh dang. Yeah. So Gorshkov tells you this story about how they were somewhere in Russia, and he. He tells Henry, but Henry does not have any context for what those letters put together in that sequence indicate, but they were apparently guarding some repository of confiscated artifacts. And Vendra and a bunch of, you know, he describes it as monsters attacked them and killed a bunch of people and stole a bunch of things.

Okay, now is Gorshkov just telling me, or is he on speaker mode?

He's just telling Henry. Okay, all right,

I guess. Henry asks if they were similar to what we found her trying to teleport out of the barn.

He doesn't know enough about magic. Okay, but he Doesn't. He doesn't think so.

How long ago was this?

This was about three years ago. Okay. And then he. The next thing he recalls after that, the next thing he recalls is waking up. Is being activated as Henry was activated on Mad Hatterhill.

So, wait, am I in her body yet? Huh? How the heck did you get here?

I do not know.

Weird.

Not that I'm mad you're here. As I. My arm blade shoots in and out. I wouldn't know how to do this.

Did you. Are you okay, Henry?

Oh, I'm talking to Gorshkov.

Oh, so you talk to Gorshkov a lot or.

Yeah.

Gorshki say hello.

No.

All right, so he's not gonna say hello.

Why don't you have some orange juice?

I look over at Henry, but I'm not, like, looking at. You know how when you look at someone, you kind of look at their eyes? I'm kind of looking at Henry's forehead, and I go, korshkov. Is that any way to treat a babushka? Putting on this faux Russian accent.

Yeah. So there's like, this grumbling cough that comes out of Henry speakers. Arim Gurshkov. I apologize for my reticence in communication. I am very morose today.

Oh, okay.

You have strange appearance for babushka. You're more like model.

Yeah, could say that. Thank you. By the way, flips her hair. You don't have much of an appearance that I can discern, Gorshkov.

I am Russian. Onboard Borkombit.

AI.

Oh. AI. Okay. You doing okay, Henry?

I mean, taking every day, each step at a time, each Giant Robotics step at a time. I don't really know to describe what would be the like. Henry doesn't always get positive affirmations.

Well, Henry is acceptable pilot when it comes to eliminating targets.

Doing my best, buddy. Couldn't do it without you. And you guys looking over to. I guess just Riley.

Mr. Cat's sleeping. So. Yes. I mean, there's also Bronson.

Yeah, and Bronson.

Of course. Tussle.

Bronson has an entire log of sausage in his mouth.

You get it, buddy. So what? So Gorshkov was just telling me about how he. I turned to Riley, like, how he was fighting. He's faced that lady. We fought. Her name's Vendra.

Great.

Well, at least now he's walked away from her twice. This instills me with some level of hope.

Whoa. As Henry would say, if one of his friends dissed another one of his

friends, it wasn't A diss by any stretch of the imagination, to be clear. I mean, Henry can interpret it however he wants.

Exactly.

Given that that lady blew me through a barn.

I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah, walk away. Not.

You know, Henry, this is. What. What.

What's.

What we're in right now is really hard, and I would just like to validate that. I think you're doing the best that you can, and I'm very proud of you.

Aww. Aw, thanks, Donna.

Mike said something about you volunteering at the elementary school. Is that true?

Yeah, In Cincinnati.

Yeah. Yeah, Figures. Okay, I can see it.

Riley, is there something you'd like to get off your chest?

That's when Mr. Cat comes in. I am hungry. I feed me.

I, like, reach over and grab a sausage and do the chuck, Chuck, flick at him so he sees it coming.

I snatch it out of the air. Not with my mouth, with my hand, and then shove it in my mouth. Did I interrupt something?

It turns out Gorski's met that lady. We fought and

context is provided. Shame he didn't kill her that time.

Yeah, Sweet.

Are we going to get any grenades now?

Oh, that's a good question. Are we going to get any grenades now?

Well, it's on the list. We're still light on funds.

There are holes in my armor that I do not want to be there anymore.

Yeah, there's holes in your armor. There's holes in him.

Yeah.

And I. I assume you're not sitting at the breakfast table, Dark Falcon, with your. All of your gear on?

Oh, absolutely. I am.

Oh, do you have, like, a firearm of any sort on you?

No, I've got. I've got the sword, but from my understanding, it, like, stays in the multiverse until. Yeah, until I thanos it or whatever.

Do you need a piece or something?

Oh, that's so sweet. She pulls the sword, like, out of the middle of the table. I've got this.

Cool.

Great saves on the budget.

Are you boys flushed for cash? I have a little bit of something I could help you with.

It wouldn't hurt at this point.

You know, I've been. I've been. I've been scrimping and saving. Since Mr. Kripke's not around.

He always seemed like an asshole.

You know what? He was an asshole, wasn't he?

Grenades. All right, finish eating and we'll go shopping.

I'd love to buy you boys just a few grenades.

You know, most people wake up after a good stoning session and are hungry. He wants grenades. I'm like, I am More and more concerned about Mr. Cat as time rolls on.

We are on a schedule. Grenades.

All right, let's go to the weapons emporium. We'll get a figure out how much it's going to cost to get you patched up. Get the Cat some grenades and do you have a gun yet?

Yes.

Okay, that's. I've lost track about who is wielding a weapon and who's not at this point.

Do you boys need any credits or.

If you could spare some, ma', am, I would greatly appreciate it and I promise I'll pay you back. You are absolutely certain? He does not mean that last part.

No, no, no, no. This is a gift, you know, it's what Mikey would want.

I don't know, when you say it's what Mikey would want. You see the veins in Riley's neck start to stand out and like.

Yep, yep.

Would.

I don't know, would like 250,000 credits help you?

Is that all you have?

Well, Mr. Cat, that's. That's a question. No, I'm not giving you all my credits, but I. If that would help, I'd be happy to give that to you.

Your donation is accepted.

Not just to you, Mr. Cat. Just to be clear. For everybody.

Of course.

Yeah. Okay.

I want to get a hat.

I want to buy you the nicest hat, Bronson. And that's. That's not going to come out of the. The 250k, I promise.

It better not.

Okay, Mr. Cat.

I just headbutt you.

Oh,

I love you too. To any other person, you just absolutely smashing their nose.

Yep.

So you guys are going to Happy Trigger Emporium, I assume?

Yes, we are.

All right. You walk across town. New Laszlo is waking up. Bakeries are open, the coffee houses. Students going to class. Businesses opening their doors. The city is awakening. Happy Trigger Emporium subtitle under the name is the library of weapons is this exterior metal work and stained glass building. And you know, of course when you go in, wide open floor of tall metal shelves upon which Alexander has his, you know, quote unquote gun books. And these are guns encased in a block of some transparent solid. And there's just thousands of guns on racks in these quote unquote books that you can look at and handle. And as you guys enter, you hear this slight whistling sound. And from the rafters comes this small hover disc. And on it is Alexander of Macedon. You know, the three foot tall robot that, you know. Does it look like a faux human? He looks very alien. He says, gentlemen, welcome Back. I never forget a cyborg.

Hey, man. Good to see you.

Yes, yes. Excellent to see you, Gorshkov.

Oh, hey, Alexander. We're in the market.

I'm kidding. Henry, I could never forget you. Come on, let's go plug you in.

Yeah.

We're looking for how much it's going to cost to patch Henry here up.

He points to this big sign behind the main counter. It's got prices for basic goods, ammunition, armor patches. 8,000 credits per 10 MDC.

Donna's just standing in the back with a big grin on her face.

You said 8k per 10.

Yep.

Has. Has Donna been as Dark Falcon to Happy Trigger Emporium?

Yeah, probably. I imagine she's. She's pretty much Dark Falcon to like everyone.

Are you a valued customer?

Good question. I don't know.

So something we did not do when we made your character was fill out your gear. Cyber Knights can use weapons other than their sword. Most tend to use the sword. But I think you get like full armor and all kind of stuff.

Yeah, And I believe they actually come with a firearm of some type.

Yeah, I think so, but yeah. Alexander. Oh, hello, Doc Falcon. Welcome back. Always. Always happy to see you. We're gonna go plug this big cyborg into. What about machines? What can I do for you?

I'm just here to support these boys. And Alexander, you know how I feel about you. I just think robots are so neat.

Man. Your win. Let's go. So you all go down to the basement. They put Henry in the big chair and stick a steel spike in his brain, link him to all the mainframes.

Do you know kung fu now?

All I know is I'm getting Robocoped proper.

Yes, I just watched that last week. I hadn't seen it in a long time. Holds up.

Remember to aim for the dick. That's what Robocop taught me.

I was thinking of the part where that guy gets wrecked into a big vat of, oh, toxic chemicals and just immediately mutates because that's how that works.

Oh, yeah. And then splatter housed over a car.

It's great. It's great.

I honestly, the. It has one of the most priceless villain deaths of all time.

Oh, yeah.

You're terminated. It's so good.

Yeah. The end of the no longer an employee.

Yeah, it's. It's good. It's got a lot of great lines. The original.

And Kurtwood Smith was just amazing in that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, so good as villain.

Yeah, he's really good. Oh. So, Henry, looks like we got some Damage here. What have you been doing?

Oh, you know, palling around with some demon ladies. Palling around in the muck, running away from rats. We even fucked up a spider.

Awesome. Awesome. So how many MDC has Henry actually lost over the course of your adventure?

67 total.

Yeah.

56 on the torso, 11 on the right hand.

So that would be an expensive repair.

Very.

Somewhere around 50,000 plus to repair everything.

I think I rounded to like 54.

Now Alexander, remember this is going on my tab, okay?

Yeah, he's got a little wheeled stool that he was rolling around. Are you sure? This is gonna be expensive.

Alexander, what did I just say?

Okay, you're the boss. Thank you, Falcon.

Thank you, Alexander.

He wheels back over to Henry like takes out an arc welder. Now Henry, I would say this is gonna hurt, but it's not because you don't have, you know, fully functioned and sense of touch throughout your armist.

So your nerve systems are offline.

Oh yeah.

Donna, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

You just.

You just be well.

Okay.

Try.

You know what you really need, Henry?

What's that?

Well, you need a Soviet ski made AR44 railgun that can be integrated with Cyberlink. Weighs 155 pounds. 40 round burst, 5000 meter range, belt fed Amadron with 2400 rounds.

That sounds wonderful.

He'll take two.

That does sound very nice. How much is that, Alexander?

Oh, well, it's been modified by yours truly with an experimental loading system that forces shells into the weapon chamber at extremely high pressure. Coupled with a timing system about as exacting as you could make or I a robot could make anti vehicle, anti Borg, anti monster and anti that building you don't like over their weapon system

before two weeks ago, or however long I knew none of those words. I cannot explain why that excites me so much, Alexander.

I feel you dancing around the price.

Well, it's not for sale. It's really. I need it, you know, I need favors. Alexander needs favors.

I would like to use my skill recognize weapon quality, please.

Oh, okay. Go ahead. You feel free to roll

79.

Nope. You've only got a.42 it looks like.

So you don't know a lot about Soviet ski made weapons. You likely wouldn't be familiar with a lot of things from Russia. In fact, Henry is probably the most Russian thing you've encountered in Rift's earth.

Well, it does sound neat, Gorshkov.

That sound cool to you? Sound like something we can do.

We must help this little man. I want that gun.

Heck yeah, man.

I Want that gun?

Well, look, have you ever been to Muskegon?

No.

I have.

He has.

Donna would have been vaguely familiar with it, even if she's never been there. It's one of the. It's an independent kingdom on the west side of Michigan on Lake Michigan. It's a very important port for the communities of Southern Michigan. And it's. It is quote, independent. But everybody knows that it owes everything to Northern Gun and the coalition. And it's full of coalition spies. But the locals don't like the coalition, so it may, it stays independent even though all of the politicians are. Are bought off by the cs. And if everybody's not familiar with the coalition, it is the superpower of North America. And it is a nightmarishly fascist, anti alien, anti magic regime, human supremacist.

Gross.

Alexander, you know, I try to avoid the coalition when I can.

Oh, well, you know, this is just a shipment that got lost there that I just need you to go pick up. And you don't even have to ask anybody about it. You just show up, go to a very specific warehouse and pick up my shipment and just bring it here.

And you will give me the gun. I mean, you will give Henry the gun for free.

Yup, that's exactly right, Mr. Cat. And I might even have two of them if you're really hard up about it.

Mr. Cat, what you call free is not free in the sense that we may survive.

Speak for yourself.

Okay.

Oh, it's perfectly safe, you guys.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Alexander, that's why. That's why it's still there and you haven't picked it up, right?

Uh huh. Uh huh. Cause it's so sad to Rudd.

You know, clearly he has a business to run.

Mr. Cat. Thank you.

I mean, Donna, we've been getting ourselves into wacky mishaps and scraps since we got here. What's one more? Especially for cool guns.

Yeah.

Okay. Alexander, if you could just give us a moment.

Sure, yeah. Don't take your time. I'm gonna be in Henry's brain for a second.

Okay.

And he goes and starts tapping away on a computer connected to Henry's brain.

Henry, I want you to know that this is your choice.

Okay? Okay.

Okay.

Okay. This is. Why don't we think about it and we'll come back to it.

Don't worry. He does that in his sleep. When you're poking around in there. It's totally normal. He doesn't notice it at all.

Oh, neat. Okay. How are you, Riley?

I haven't had Skyline Chili in Over three weeks I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere and every time I turn around, someone's trying to kill me. I'm having a great time. How about you, Donna Riley?

You know I make a great chili.

You do make a good three way. Yes you do.

Mrs. Kowalski, may I have 55,200 credits to prepare my armor? I'm assuming this is prorated, correct?

Oh yeah.

Mr. Cat.

Make him say please.

Make him say please.

I addressed her by her chosen maiden. By her chosen maiden name. I mean.

And you even used May. It's just like going for the full monty.

Why don't we take a step back and let's figure out what you need.

I need the holes in my armor repaired so that the next time I get shot in the face, it won't kill me.

Okay, well, let's have Alexander take a look and we'll see what that costs. Okay.

55,200 credits.

No, he's right. That's what it is.

69 MDC. So yeah.

Oh, really?

Yep. I calculated it. Mr. Cat's actually really good at math.

Yeah, I didn't know if Mr. Cat was cluing me into his amazing math though.

Yeah. Another skill that I forgot that I'd written down was philosophy. It's actually one of his best skills, strangely enough. Yep.

Now.

Jesus Christ. A cat with a God pug complex. With a high skill in philosophy. If you start going off on Nietzsche.

I'm a big fan of Nietzsche.

Jesus

and Malthus.

I and these boys, we get ourselves into a lot of scrapes, you know that.

Oh yeah.

And we come back here pretty often to see you, to get to help us out with that. So I would like you to repair Mr. Cat's armor to full. And I'm hoping that maybe after we get all the boys back up to where they need to be, maybe we can work out some sort of, you know, reasonable price. Okay.

For what? What do you mean for what? The armor repair standard rate. Come on. I love you, Dark Falcon. You're my favorite Cyberdyne psycho killer. But hey, I run out of business.

I mean, I love you too, Alexander.

I just.

I really do think you're so neat. But if I fix all the boys armor, that's a lot of credits, right?

Alexander, on what aisle do you keep your grenades?

All three.

Thank you.

See you. Right next to the flashlights.

Wonderful laser pointers.

What? No, I don't have those. I mean, I do for targeting systems, but not like what you're thinking.

Thank you.

I just. I wonder if maybe Maybe you could throw in some grenades or we could work out some sort of special. If I, you know, get all the boys up where they need to be. You know, that's all I was thinking.

Okay. Okay, look, you're a good repeat business customer.

Thank you.

Let's do their armor repairs for a solid hundred K. Okay, that's already a deal. Okay, that's already a deal.

I agree. That's already a deal. I accept that deal.

And you could get a laser point for the cat. Just get him a laser targeter. The standard for the rifle. You just carry it around. We know what he wants to do.

Okay, but you give me the laser pointer, not Mr. Cat.

Okay?

Okay. We can't give Mr. Cat the laser pointer. I hope you understand.

No, I get it.

I'll give you. I'm gonna throw in an extra thousand credits for you to never give Mr. Cat the laser pointer.

I love how the denying Mr. Cat various things is starting to become a theme.

Yeah. He's like, all right. And he looks at. He looks over at Riley. He's like, you sure you don't want any army buddy? You look real meaty.

I. Yeah, I should probably invest in some of that. We were just so funds last time we were through.

Riley, Whatever you need. Okay.

Away home.

Whatever you need that's available at this shop. Okay. Riley, got it.

Away home. Do you make vodka? Because I have some in the back.

I'll take a bottle of that.

Okay.

Don is a 3. 3pm Martini woman. I.

Well, Mr. Kripke didn't like my. He's not here. Let's. Let's get some grenades, huh?

So the Happy Trigger Emporium has all the standard weapons from the core book and potentially have other stuff. If there's anything anybody wants in particular.

Trying to find a good set of armor.

It would also have anything. Northern Gun.

I have two whole books dedicated to Northern Gun.

Yeah, I mean, it is a very large weapon store.

So you got any good TW armor in stock? I know that's not usually your stock in trade, but TW armor.

Ah, yeah, that's not really me.

Yeah, I didn't think so. All right, cool.

I'll tell you who you can talk to. The League of Techno Ethereals.

Oh yeah. The guy was helping redo his fryers. He. He mentioned them.

Oh, yeah. Zayd.

Yep.

Yep.

Thanks. I remember the name.

He's been selling tons of donuts.

Yeah, we got that fryer humming along so good. It's amazing.

Yeah, I keep trying to help me make a massive Bomb, but he doesn't want to do that with magic, so. Yeah, whatever. People are weird. Oh,

why do you want to make a massive bomb?

Because it'd be awesome as fuck.

You and I should talk more. Okay, that's right up my alleyway.

Yeah, I don't know what it be do, but it could be like magic and like, it's just massive at an explosion and then I could sell it for a lot.

Ooh, sounds familiar.

A pyro ignited thermobaric bomb.

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

You and I should talk more.

Okay.

Alexander, could I get that vodka, please? Also, while I have you.

Do you have any.

Do you have any good hats?

Hats?

Yeah, like a good.

I got combat helmets.

Yeah, do you have any good combat helmets?

Well, yeah, I got a bunch of great combat helmets.

Something that's like fun, you know?

Something that's fun.

Yeah, it looks fun.

Something with like a crest or something, I think is what she's.

Yeah, yeah. God damn it. Hold on. It goes into the back, big crest and you hear things falling and breaking, cursing. And he comes out and he has this mega damage helmet with these huge Viking horns.

Yeah, that looks. What would you like for that? What would you like for that cool hat?

Well, yeah, five grand.

Okay.

Yeah, we'll. We'll throw that in.

So it's a 45 mega damage helmet. It can be fitted to a full environmental suit if you had one. But just by itself, it could filter oxygen, so.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's going to be a gift. So if you wanted to.

I don't gift that. Come on. Black Dark Falcon. You know this.

Well, that's. It's not going to stop me from asking. Well, I'll gift wrap it.

Yeah. So he gives you the helmet. Is anybody else buying anything from the shop?

I'm going to hold out and see if we can hook up with the techno wizards to get a better set of armor.

Techno wizard armor. It's ridiculously expensive. However. Yeah, I think Riley would look chef's kiss in a suit of Northern gun Maverick riding armor.

Oh, you're right.

From the new west. And it's only 14 grand. And it is not environmental, which means it does not infect your magic.

Excellent. I'll take a set of that if you got it. Thank you for thinking about that because I was trying to. I was going through books looking for the. I remembered the name, but I didn't remember it was Northern Guns. So I was like, where is it? Where is it?

Yeah, Riff's New west, page 179 for folks listening at home.

Yeah, I'll take a set of that.

Yeah, that's fine. He would have it. I mean, New Laszlo is relatively close to Northern guns, so it's easy for him to get inventory.

It fell off the back of the truck.

Yeah, I said get. I didn't say bye.

This is out of character, but we haven't actually gone through and picked out my gear yet, so I'm not sure what I need to fill those gaps, but maybe we could kind of work through that between sessions, if that's cool.

Yeah, that's fine. I mean, I would say I'm pretty much fine with Dark Falcon, who's been adventuring for a while, having a fair amount of gear that would be. That it would make sense for someone, a cyber knight, adventuring around to have. So we can figure it out before the next session. And it won't be. Not going to worry about price too much, but awesome.

You actually have the ability to start with a vehicle.

No shit.

And it can be, as it says in the book, just about anything. But you tend towards real horses, robot horses, bionic horses, hover cycles, and modified motorcycles, of course. Yeah. Just so you know, just think on it. There's lots of options.

I mean, off the top of my head, I think of, like, a 1981, like, Chevy Suburban being pulled by, like, some sort of cyber horse. But we can.

We can work out the kinks later. We also have a very large vehicle, so a small personal one I think would be easier to carry around.

Yeah, it'd be easy to carry around

a little cyber horse, just not a real horse. The way I drive that horse is

not long for the world.

Drive that horse into the ground.

So we want to do a quick shopping thing and then flash cut

guns, grenades, repairs.

You can find it all at Happy Trigger Emporium, New Laszlo, downtown, next to the mini mart.

I'm gonna have so much fun with that.

Okay.

Okay.

Grenades. Grenades. Grenades. Grenades.

I really want. Down the street, I really want Donna to have, like, a big, like, revolver. Literally, like a.44 Magnum from Dirty Harry.

Do y' all want to go buy things now or kind of buy things later and just keep playing? I don't know. I don't know how you want to do it, Kyle.

That's up to you guys. It's whatever.

I'm getting repairs and then being happy for a quest for a railgun.

So I'm set.

I mean, I. I'm assuming this session is going to be a, you know, Town session where you talk to NPCs and buy things and figure out what your next steps are.

I am going to swing by Zane and ask if I can borrow the shop a little bit for some small modifications to the Mountaineer.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I'll drop you the line on it. It's nothing major, it's mostly cosmetic.

Yeah, he's happy to let you do it. And if you want to ask him any questions or talk to him about any techno wizard stuff. Oh yeah, yeah.

I mean it's going to be a nerd out when I bring the Mountaineer over and start working on it because it's going to be him baking and us chatting back and forth and you know, nerding out over Technical Wizard.

So Riley is going to go to Lustful Flyers. Is there anything anybody else knows they want to do in New Laszlo?

I don't personally have any pressing business here aside from acquiring some grenades and repairing. So yeah, ditto I guess.

Henry asks if Gorshkov wants anything.

Nyet.

Right on. A man of simple pleasures.

I want the AR404 railgun. We have covered this.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, he's very interested in that. Riley goes over to Lustful Flowers, the best bakery in New Laszlo. At least if you believe the sign. It's a three story building, sediments a fairly traditional urban block. The top floor are apartments, but the main floor is all lustful flowers. You go in, it smells like fresh baked bread. There's a line out the door, people coming out with donuts and baguettes. And you go in and Zane waves and he kind of motions you to go out back. You know, you walk around the building to shop out back. He's like o eater. Good to see you, Riley. How's it going?

Oh, hey Zane. Yeah, I was wondering if I could borrow the shop. I need to do a couple tweaks to the Mountaineer we got.

Oh yeah, yeah. Okay. What you gonna do to her?

Oh, I just need to put on some off road lights, a bush guard on the front rack, a set of outdoor speakers and a paint job and

a lock for, oh, the grill and

a block for the grill we have built into the back.

Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, no problem. I'm not doing anything big out there today, so it could all be yours. Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

I'll gladly. He's setting off my Minnesota accent again. Yeah, and I'll. I'm more than willing to pay you for the, you know, consumables I use.

Oh, don't worry about it. It's all water over the bridge.

Zane, I got a question.

Yeah.

If someone were looking to procure a collection of old, like, really old music, who would one talk to in this town?

Oh, really old music. So there's a place called Pages for All Ages. They specialize in ancient works, and it's mostly books and stuff, but they got. They got all sorts of digital and ancient tech media. So they got records.

Ooh.

Well, I mean, do they have it in, like, a digital format that you can play on modern equipment?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe. They got lots of stuff over there.

I'll check them out.

I'll do that as soon as I'm done with this. Do you know if they also deal in. Oh, movies?

Uh, yeah, they got Top Gun.

Oh, perfect.

Perfect.

Do they have both of them? No, they probably wouldn't know about the second one, but.

Yeah, very true. You would have no idea. It would just be the Top Gun. And of course, hilariously, Zane is talking about the second one because he doesn't know about the first one. It's been lost. The last one, they only have the cruise. Yeah. The Great Tom.

So, yeah, I'm gonna, you know, let the others do what they need to do, and I'm gonna do some up guns, some modifications. The Mountaineer and a spray job.

Yeah. Zane is in and out talking with you and running his shop.

I definitely, like, bring him inside and have him look at the radio system. That's a techno wizard radio and the whole bit and just to, you know, have conversation.

Yeah, yeah. Did you show him that last time?

No, I did not, because I didn't have the Wagoneer with me or Mountaineer with me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's super excited that he's like, oh, wow, that's a great ad. That's something. I've never seen one of these.

Yeah.

I mean, from what you were saying, it's a little bit on the difficult side to do, but it seems to be working fine. I must have scared to take it apart.

Oh, no, I wouldn't take this apart. This is a custom job. I'd spend a couple of months just breaking down how they're running all the TK through this.

Yeah, that's one of the things that's been wondering me, because I haven't had to put any juice in it the entire time, and I've had it. Open wide, listening.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's wild. You should have effectively infinite range on this, I think.

Hmm.

Good to keep in mind.

Yeah. So maybe really infinite.

What do you mean when you say maybe really infinite?

Oh, you know, other dimensions, different trans. Mediums, you know, talk to other places in the multiverse, that sort of thing. Wormwood, whatever.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Zane. Oh, how much for, you know, baker's dozen of donuts for the. So I can take them back?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For you. On the house, pal.

Uncle Kev here. I'd like everybody to know that the term is megaverse. Thanks for listening.

Well, we're not a trademarked podcast, so. All right, so that is what Riley's doing and Mr. Cat, you said you didn't have anything particular for me.

I mean, I don't have any business to attend to, so I figured he's just going to spend his time wandering. What's it, just finding heights and climbing them.

Yeah.

Looking around at the city, exploring, Doing cat stuff.

Gotcha, gotcha.

I would like to find a little place that I can get this helmet gift wrapped or at least purchase some gift wrap so I can gift wrap it.

Oh, sure. There's so new. Lazlo definitely has. It's, you know, a very quote unquote trendy area. And there are little boutiques that cater to wizards and sorcerers and other arcane practitioners for all sorts of needs. So you can definitely find a place that has gift wrapping and bows and an assortment.

I just had an epiphany, I think. I go to like a little kiosk where they offer gift wrap and I'm waiting in line, but then I notice out of the corner of my eye there's a stand selling chili. And I go, oh yeah. And I go over to the stand and I pay him however many credits to fill the helmet with chili.

They look at you really funny, but they do it.

Poor, poor experiences. Roses.

And then I'd like to find my greatest Mr. Good Boy Bronson and give him his gift.

Bronson is wildly excited. He becomes non verbal for a while and just immediately, like starts slopping chili. Experience orders him out of the house. He's eating it in the front yard and then he's just running around the house with the helmet on for 20 minutes.

I love you, Bronson.

His voice is all muffled. He hasn't yet quite figured out how to work the external speakers or even perhaps knows that that is a thing because he was a dog a couple weeks.

Not now, though. Just a couple weeks ago.

Well, you know, he's a humanoid dog now, still mostly dog, but has opposable thumbs, which he's very proud of. Are you Guys interested in doing the job before Alexander of Macedon or are you going to help Truth Dinsmore and her friend Hercules Adams?

Well, it sounds like we've got like what like three days before that happens.

So.

Yeah, maybe for then we go get this super weapon.

I ask around how long of a ride a drive. It's going to be there and back.

So in today you could drive from where New Laszlo would be to Muskegon in a couple hours. In Rifts Earth. It's if you don't get sidetracked, you could do it probably in a day.

And what if you drive like Riley?

Well, if you don't wreck then you know, a solid eight hours.

Okay, cool. So you know it's a good well to go at a sedate pace. Make it a 14 hour round trip.

Yeah, there you go.

Just remember, no horses.

I just don't want horseshit in the back.

It's fair. That's very fair.

Well, we have a few days. Do we want to make a quick run to Muskegon to get a couple railguns?

I think we have to.

I do. You do? Yep.

So he, Alexander tells you that the goods are in Warehouse 9 on Dock street in Muskegon. And you know, whatever you can load in the back of your vehicle, he would appreciate.

Alexander, I want to be really clear on one thing.

Yeah.

Are they expecting us to pick this up? No.

Why would they be expecting you?

I just. If we're doing a snatch and grab, I just want to be clear going in that we know it's a snatch and grab.

Yeah. Riley, we're doing crime.

I wanted to make absolutely sure we were on the same page here and there was no confusion.

Crime.

All right.

Yeah, that's what. That's. This is.

Hey buddy.

I am on the same page as you the number of times I stole ammo from the next unit over in the Gulf War.

Yep.

I'm on the same page. This is no different than a couple 50 cals going missing.

There you go. That's the spirit.

You know, Donna Kripke would, would be pretty upset about this whole thing, but Donna. Kowalski. Let's fucking get this shit.

Okay, so Riley does his modifications to the Mountaineer.

Yep.

And are you guys going to sit out at night or are you going to go the next day?

Fuck it. Let's just go. Yeah.

So when I roll, when I roll back up with the Mountaineer, it now has like the biggest fuck off Australian grade brush guard on the front, a oversized rack of KC lights and a external speaker system. And has been resprayed with a cavalry logo on the side.

What does the horn sound like?

You'll have to wait. I. I just will tell you that it's not the General Lee, so don't worry about that.

So you guys head out. Driving out to the countryside loaded up. Is anybody taking anything in particular that we haven't covered yet?

I guess we should narrow down down which grenades you grabbed out of the aisle.

Yeah, we should do a shopping. The whole shopping list later between sessions.

Yeah, yeah, got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. You guys are driving out of New Laszlo. The sun's going down. Bronson and Mr. Catter in the back. And who's up front with Riley? I assume Henry is also in the back. Yeah.

Oh, I think Donna's up front.

Yeah. So for sure the Mountaineer driver compartment has like buckets seats for the driver and the passenger. It also has seat behind it as well. And then there's the big cargo compartment. And you guys are driving along, talking about something. The voice says, hey, I'm very excited about crimes. And the head pops over the back of the seat and it's the dragon. Morgan.

Hey, Mor. Good to see you.

Hey.

How long have you been following us?

Well, I can turn invisible. So literally the entire time.

Yeah, that was kind of what I was thinking.

Morthak's always with us.

Really?

So, Morthak, you ever commit a crime before? Nope.

Great.

All right.

But I'm very excited about the possibility he polymorphs into a 10 year old boy, which is Donna would know is his preferred human form because he's about 10 years old. And in terms of his dragon maturity,

for like what, three months?

Yeah, he's very young for a dragon.

Hey, do you have something behind your ears? Looks dirty back there.

Are you talking to me?

I'm talking to Mordoc, but making sure that you can hear him hear me. Okay.

His eyes get wide and he looks at at Donna is like dark. Falcon always says to wash behind my ears. And I do.

Yeah, you do. Yeah, yeah.

There's some chamois in the glove compartment if you need to take care of that.

I was genuinely hoping you were going to pull a cigarette from behind his ears.

Like a coin of some kind.

That's where I thought that was going too.

Me too.

No, the thought of Donna grabbing the 10 year old boy, who's actually a dragon, by the ear and cleaning behind his ears was just wicked. Too entertaining a mental image for me.

And I think we will end things there tonight with you guys. On the way to Muskegon to do crimes.

Right on.

Sounds good to me.

You like your. You like your new helmet, Bronson?

Yeah. You hear muffled shouting from the cargo compartment in the back.

Bronson, there's no. There's no more chili. It's.

It.

I filled it with chili. The helmet isn't. Okay.

He doesn't quite get it, but he does seem to love it. Let's first off, welcome the podcast Granson.

Thank you for having me. It's been lovely.

Did not see that coming. Nope. That was wonderful. Yeah.

I listened to the first three and I'm like, oh, his mom and dad's got to get in here somewhere.

Indeed. Yeah. Chris said, well, can I play Mike's mom? And I thought immediately, absolutely.

Good call.

Yeah, good call.

Yeah. But Mike's mom as Fabio is fucking fantastic.

Now, that's one question I had for you. This is Mike's mom as Fabio. Is this pre goose Fabio or post goose Fabio?

Oh, my God.

Is the. Does the nose have the crink to it now or not?

Oh, geez. You know, Donna, it'd definitely be pre.

Right?

Donna would know the difference. But Cranston is not as well versed in the Fabio verse as you are.

Oh.

Unfortunately.

See, I was. I'm old enough that I remember when it made headline news and. Oh, my God, when he was doing some commercial or something, and one of the trained geese that was part of the set attacked him and busted his nose.

I do remember hearing about that.

Yeah. And ever since then, he's a kind of crick in his nose because he didn't want to deal with the fact he'd have, like, two black eyes for months afterwards if he got plastic surgery for it.

I think this character is loosely based on a sort of macho Fabio, but I think it's more of an amalgamation of many hunky. I like to think there's a little bit of Charles Bronson. I like to think there's maybe a little bit of Clint Eastwood kind of packaged into this.

Two famously not Fabio esque men.

Yes. But they're very Fabio on the inside.

They don't take no shit.

They love heart.

They live hard. Yeah. You know Charles Bronson walking down the street with his expensive camera, waiting for someone to fuck with them so he can blow their heads off.

You know, Fabio played the pope in Sharknado 5.

Yes, he did.

Wow.

What the fuck?

If you ever have any Sharknado questions, just ask my spouse. She is up to speed on the Sharkaverse.

Awesome.

So wait, wait, wait. We got a multiverse, we got a megaverse, we got a Fabio verse, and now we got a shark. Diverse.

Yes.

Shit.

This isn't the yelling episode. This is the reminding me that Fabio is still alive episode.

Yep.

I had no idea.

So let's go ahead and close this out, folks. So for the listeners who just for some reason have joined in today for the very first time on this episode, Kyle, tell us about the other podcasts that you do.

Yes, I'm Kyle. I'm the main GM for the Bastard Quest podcast. We are an actual play podcast. We play lots of TTRPGs, and our only criteria is anything that's not D and D, because there's a lot of those. And so we play mostly indie RPGs. We've played teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, if you're a Palladium fan. But yeah, check us out. We've got closing in on 200 episodes.

So.

Nice. Very nice. So are we. Yeah. Very close to it.

Very close to it.

Yep.

Wow.

I think your, your 200 episode will probably be much more, much less psychotic than ours is going to be. I've heard some of the plans and, oh, it's, it's ominous.

I, I, I'm not so sure about that.

Well, we'll see. Ours might be fairly wholesome. We'll see, we'll see, we'll see.

All depends on whether or not I get to make special 200th episode Cocktails or Not.

Well, that's happening in, like, three days. And yes. So folks who have been listening to this podcast probably recognize I am npc.

I'm just Jacob Alex, and we are

joined for the first time, but not for the first time, on the podcast by Cranston and Cranston. I believe you also have another podcast out there that has a few hundred episodes that folks can listen to.

Yeah, it's been lying dormant for a while, but yeah, I co host a podcast called Turtle Power Pod where we watch the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series and wish we weren't doing that. Check it out.

But do you drink to forget while you're doing it? After.

After they eat the pizzas.

Oh, no.

I reminded you of the pizzas.

Yeah, the first one we did. Yeah, we try to eat some of the pizzas that the turtles eat in the show. The pepperoni ice cream right off the bat was amazing. Try that. The jelly bean pizza was so wretched, the coating of the jelly bean melts off and then burns. It becomes acrid, and then you're left with a burnt jelly bean innard.

Yeah.

Burned sugar.

It tastes like vomit.

And on that note, thanks for listening, folks. We'll catch you next time.

Starships Magic, Mystic Martial Arts Romance. All of these can be found in a Cloak of Blades by Isaac Sher. You might have heard my name before.

I've done a lot of voiceover work

for Breakfast Puppies and I've recently released my first novel. It's available on Amazon as an ebook and paperback, and you can get it

for free if you have a Kindle unlimited subscription.

I do hope you'll support my work as you're supporting Breakfast Puppies, and it's been a pleasure talking with you today. Have a good one.

You've been listening to the Glitter Boys, a Palladium Books fan podcast. Glitter Boys Rifts, the Megaverse and all other such topics are the property of Kevin Sambita and Palladium Books. Please buy all their stuff and help keep them in print and making more games. You can order order [email protected] and their entire catalog is available digitally at drivethrurpg as well. Our opening music is 8 bit bass and lead by FurbyGuy from freesound.org this closing music is Caravana by Philip Gross, available at freemusicarchive.org all sound effects used are self made or acquired via Creative Commons Zero Light. If you like what you have heard, find us on Twitter and Facebook as theglitterboys. That's B O I S and check us out [email protected] glitterboys and also join us on the Breakfast Puppies network [email protected] Discord and if you want to help us out, please spread the word and help us build a community. Thanks again for listening. We'll catch you next time. So real quick, just in case you

want to edit this out. So he's got cum gutters.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah. We all. We all know what it is.

I mean, I knew what it was,

but hey, I just wanted to make sure we had a visual bit on a podcast.

You just really wanted to stand up and do that.

I think it was almost to suck

it, but, you know, you just want to relive your degeneration X days. Got it.

Come on, man.

This is going in the outtakes.

Yep.

Oh, shit. Are you okay?

Play her down. Player down.

We broke npc. I do like that I don't have to keep my character a secret anymore.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna get that. That's too good.

Yeah, I had.

I.

You didn't let Anything slip. I was genuine guffawing earlier when. When he sent me that message.

Legit flattery, by the way. I wish you didn't hurt yourself, but legit flattery.

Yeah. Yeah. I knew it was a good enough joke that we. Not a joke, but a big enough reveal that we needed to do it to get it out, because otherwise. What? Also, like, we've established. I don't know if you've listened to all the episodes.

I've listened to the first three. That's it.

Gotcha. We have established that Bronson. That everybody smells like what they did originally because Bronson immediately knew who everybody was.

So I was. I was expecting there, or I was prepared to be like Dark Falcon for a while before there was, like, this big reveal. It was kind of nice to just, like, rip that band aid off.

Well, I mean, most of us go by our regular names. We haven't really used her or developed, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love the fact that she named herself Dark Falcon.

She absolutely came up with that. No one gave that to her.

Yeah. Oh, for sure. What's your name? Dark Falcon?

Ark Falcon.

And was she gonna say Derek Falcon? And it came out Dark Falcon? We'll never know.

We. I'll never tell.

Thinking from a listener's perspective, the immediate reaction that I had, which I assume they'll have, is like, oh, shit, is this Mike? And then Nathaniel busts out laughing, which I don't know that we'll connect those two. I was like, okay, it's not Mike, but it's something great.

I love that.

I almost want to record an interjection going listener's note. At this point during the recording, NPC fell off his chair, laughing so hard, and concussed himself. Please send notes of sympathy via our discord.

We're taking turns not letting him go to sleep. It's been a long night.

It's been three days.

I hope there's a way it can replace.

Maybe we should just go to the doctor.